Joan made the perfect transition from the ironing demonstration by telling us how she copes with her ironing and her tread mill obligations.
Joan is a retired school teacher, has two grown sons and a few grandchildren. My son Grant says of her that she is the most organized person she knows. If they go on a vacation, she probably has everything planned down to what they should do during their layover at an airport. She also taught sunday school for about 20 years, is notorious for throwing good parties and has the world's best board game collection.
Therefore, we were honored her hear from this friendly person and familiar face what her secrets were to time management and setting priorities.
After she set up a TV-tray for a stand and set a box-like podium on it, she started with the definitions of these terms. We could suddenly imagine ourselves as students in a classroom as soon as she stepped behind the make-shift podium. Priorities were doing things in an order of importance. She distinquished between things that have immediate need, but weren't necessarily important.
Some priorities are born in us - given by God, Joan taught. Desire for food, desire for campanion and sex. She used references from Gen 1:28, 2:24, 3:8 and I Cor 1:9. Clearly, God made the first couple with desires of basic needs and therefore, we have some inborn priorities for these things. Joan shared how Adam and Eve sought God's friendship, even after they sinned in the garden. We also see the fellowship that Jesus established with the disciples and how he spend personal time with them and set aside time to do that because it was a priority.
We also have a natural desire for authority and powe, as displayed in Luke 10:19-20. After all, God gave mankind the authority to rule the earth and gave us the mental capacity to accomplish it.
Joan broke out the general description of priorities into four major categories.
Spiritual Life: We should set aside a time and place for a personal with God, ideally, daily. Not everyone is a morning person, so don't let yourself get hung-up on having to do devotions in the morning. Joan shared her struggle to try to get up early, before her school-day started. But she found the time to be distracted with thoughts of how much had to get done that day. So, she learned that the time between when school was over and before she went home to start the family's evening activities, she had a quiet spot in the day. It was a lull between activities where she could make some time for quiet. She emphasized that if we don't plan for a quiet moment, it won't happen. So, think through your day and settle on a time that will work for you.
Joan also gave the example of how she walks for exercise and that when the Walk-man tape player devices came out, she used that to listen to sermons or the Bible on tape. Today's technology allows this to be even more convenient. She suggested, however, that if you walk and pray, make sure you keep your eyes open.
She wanted to make sure we had a proper understanding of who we were worshipping when we pray and spend this time of devotion to God. She said, "Don't put God on the list of emergency numbers" as if he was someone to call on when a fire was raging. "He's not a 911, He deserves more than that." Yes, he is the almighty and there is nothing he cannot do, so give him the worship he rightly deserves.
Personal Health/Careers: Joan reminded us of six things that will help maintain our health and which in turn will help keep each type of career, home or office, on track. 1) Get proper sleep. This is good advice, especially for a woman who is multi-tasking. Prioritize for yourself that you get enough sleep for your daily activities. It's OK. Leave the dishes and go to bed earlier than usual one night. Give yourself this gift because if you are dragging, it will affect all the people around you. 2) Get regular exercise. If you are healthy and your body is working at its fully potential, you will be more flexible when surprises happen. 3) Eat healthy meals. It's become more popular lately to make home-made meals, but it takes time and planning. Joan shared how her best friend while raising kids was the crock pot. 4) Get outside. Part of being healthy is being in the sunlight. Joan found that it helped to take a break just get away, even for a few minutes, even in the cold winter. 5) Relax. The world won't end if you don't have the dust off your door jams. Joan shared a story told by her mother-in-law. If you have people coming over unexpectedly, clean the four corners of the room and that's what people notice because they are usually positioned in the middle of the room when they visit. That's a real "ah ha" since we have to find some short-cuts when the unexpected happens. 6) Stop whining. Stay away from complaining and other people who complain.
Finances: Some old-time Christians used to think that being "holy" meant that you had to be dirt poor. That's not scriptural. In fact, we know that it's the love of money that is the root of evil, not the money itself. Matt 6:21 is an excellent verse to remember about what our heart tells us about money.
Here's Joan's example of of how to prioritize finances: God's Share: God deserves more than tip money. Many people spend more money on entertainment each week than to God.
Saving: Sacrifice some of your weekly spending and put it away for savings. Even if it is a dollar, it is still saving what you can. This way, when you need some extra money, you will have it. Joan recommended that it is a better idea to use your savings rather than buy things on a credit card. I suppose there may be different opionions on that, but non-the-less, it is good advice at the right moment.
When kids, Joan's parents would required of their family to sacrifice for a certain cause in order to teach their children the meaning of giving. So when it came to be Christmas time, the children received very little and were reminded that they sacrificed these things for others. Unfortunatly, as Joan explained, this was not a savings account and in the end, it turned her brothers away from generously giving to others.
Joan listed her priorities of what to spend money on. A . Pay for just the needs, pay for the basic requirments of living first. This inlcudes your house, your food, and your car. B. If you have money left after the needs, God's share and savings, then you may get the things you "want", but don't really need. Joan's rule-of-thumb is: Do I want it bad enough to have to dust it? C. After these things, and you still have money left, that's the time you may want to consider a frivolous thing, like a gift for your spouse or even yourself.
Family/Home Life Spend enough adequate time with your family. Do things at home and make sure your schedule includes the time to manage your home responsiblities. Don't be afraid to give your children assignments and house chores to do. This teaches them responsibility, how to work within a deadline and be work as a team.
Be willing to learn from others and how they handled the home life stress. Joan tells how she learned from Marjory how it was important to be cheerful and happy when you and your family meet for an evening meal to give each other that extra breathing space before talking about the bad things that happened that day.
Another piece of advice that Joan took was from a church leader, Wayne, who siad that when your children are growing up, look for a family in the church who has children of good behavior and talk to those parents. Look for a family that you respect, get to know them and find out what they did.
The family and home life has to be organzied and all members of the family take part in that to make it happen.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Session 3 - Demo, Ironing and Starching
Edwina dragged her ironing board up the sidewalk to the house. She seemed to be handling it all ok, her purse and bag with the iron on one arm and her other arm seemingly buckled around the long board. If she was stepping on a boardwalk rather than a sidewalk, you'd think she was about to go surf-boarding the way she walked with purpose and excitement.
Edwina is about 80, (really, who has a name like Edwina and is not that old?), is about 5'3" and always always wears a snappy outfit with jewelery and earrings or the "the most" scarf. Her grey hair is nicely fixed because she goes to the "beauty parlor" every week. She is always put together.
She came within about three feet of the stoop to my house, all smiling and cheerful to be one of our speakers of the day, and wouldn't you know it, that gosh-dern ironing board decided to open. She was one minute gripping the board and then the next moment the board was standing on one set of legs with the other set flying straight in the air. If that ironing board was female, which I strongly believe all ironing boards are, that is hardly a stance I would choose for its propriety.
Thankfully, the two women behind her helped her out and got the now discombobulated contraption into the house. Edwina, also accustomed to irregularities in her snappy world, came in laughing with the rest of us.
We set up and gathered the women, already gabbing and giggling, around the dining table where I had also set up a portable ironing board on the table. I had a sample men's dress shirt from the dry cleaners, perfectly starched and pressed, to compare our work to this morning. Also on hand were two wrinkled, but clean, shirts. Aggie was the volunteer to try it as Edwina taught it.
Edwina is a widow but was married to a preacher and raised several children in her four-score-plus years of life. She always felt the need to look her best and to make sure her family did too. She has pulled wrinkles out of more tough surfaces that a Hollywood dermatologist would be totally jealous of her skills.
She showed us the most obvious places of the shirt that need closer attention; the collar, buttons and facing, cufffs and shoulders. She used the end of the ironing board, which suddenly decided to be her friend, to press the shape of the shirt into the shoulders. She did this by pulling the neck and collar over the narrow end of the board first and just enough to slide a bit of the sleeve onto the end. It made a smooth fit and Edwina could iron easily without getting any fabric caught in a fold and accidently pressing a nice crease into the front. I have done this several times to my own annoyance. Aggie did a splendid job of following the instructions Edwina gave. Aggie demonstrated how to make the neck line area stand tall by pressing the iron between the top button and the collar and then giving the collar a little tug. That's a neat little trick.
She also used the back, square part, of the board and fit it between the sleeves as she ironed the back of the shirt. How about that . . . it looked like the other end of the board was just made for such a purpose.
She described how irons have a layered groove at the pointed tip of the iron so that it can iron around buttons. Several women exclaimed, "oh, I didn't know that", and moved up closer to see what they had apparently missed all their lives. Edwina demonstrated that as she ironed around buttons, the grooved worked to lift the button out of the way so that that tip of the iron could press the fabric underneath. That was a cool (or rather "hot") finding.
She told stories, as women are likely to do while working on a routine task, as she worked. She remembered heating an iron iron (as opposed to a stainless steel iron) on the stove to get it hot enough to press out their clothes.
She also remembered the days when they used borax powdered starch. They would mix the dry starch in a bowl of water and then dip just the collar, border and cuffs into the mixure. We wondered how they did that without getting the rest of the shirt wet. So, of course, she demonstrated. We watched as she first folded the cuffs back and forth in about 1 inch folds, accordian style and held that bunch in her one hand. She then gathered the collar and folded it back and forth the same way and held that in her one hand too, with the blousie parts of the shirt hanging down. Finally, she zig-zag folded the button border up the same way and held what looked like a fabric flower bud waiting to explode. She said that after they folded up the parts that needed to be starched, they just dunked them in the water and starch mixture and put it in the refrigerator.
Ok, I was really following the whole thing until the refrigerator part. I started thinking, 'that's what I get for asking an elderly woman to do a demonstration'. But, I was wrong because after several astonished looks and a gasp, Edwina explained. In those days, you would mix up your starch and dip the shirt sections all at one time rather than do the mix each day. Usually, there were too many shirts to iron all at one time, especially when you did laundry once a week, so, to keep the borax starch from going bad, they kept the whole thing fresh in the fridge. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. The things women spent their time on.
Today of course, we have spray starch to use. And, we probably don't have so many items to iron that we have to save some in the fridge. Aggie said that when she starches, she starches the inside of the garment, rather than the outside, so that the iron's surface doesn't get sticky. That's a good idea.
She also said they ironed the sheets and underwear. I think it was Annette who asked why they did that because she had heard that and had always wondered. Clearly, the sheets weren't made out of the fine threaded fabric we have today. They were rough milled cotton and the thread count was probably less than 100 per square inch. So when they slept on the sheet, it was rough on their skin and chaffed. If they ironed the sheets, they would be smoother and easier to sleep on. The same was true of the underwear they wore. Today's nicest sheets are 600 threads per square inch, which means there's little possibility of actually feeling the threads on your skin. Of course, we have different sources of thread than raw cotton to use today also. I can't imagine all that time spent just ironing to make your family more comfortable. No wonder my Irish female ancestors took in ironing for extra pay. Now it makes sense.
We had a fun time chatting about our own experiences of ironing. One woman said that when she doesn't feel like she has accomplished anything, she will iron. She said that everytime she pressed out a wrinkle, she told herself, 'see there, I've fixed a problem today'. Who knew that ironing could be an uplifting experience. I never thought of that. Several stories of finger burns and of the career woman in a hurry to iron a smudge of wrinkles out of her skirts while wearing it.
We also had a few remedies for getting out scorch marks. Since these are really slight burns on the fabric, and if not too deep, they may be scrubbed with an steel-wool pad. If you damage the fabric with the steel-wool, I guess you just need to admit defeat and throw the thing out.
Joan said she just throws her ironing on top of her tread mill so she has an excuse to not do either. With that, we finished the demonstration in smiles.
Edwina is about 80, (really, who has a name like Edwina and is not that old?), is about 5'3" and always always wears a snappy outfit with jewelery and earrings or the "the most" scarf. Her grey hair is nicely fixed because she goes to the "beauty parlor" every week. She is always put together.
She came within about three feet of the stoop to my house, all smiling and cheerful to be one of our speakers of the day, and wouldn't you know it, that gosh-dern ironing board decided to open. She was one minute gripping the board and then the next moment the board was standing on one set of legs with the other set flying straight in the air. If that ironing board was female, which I strongly believe all ironing boards are, that is hardly a stance I would choose for its propriety.
Thankfully, the two women behind her helped her out and got the now discombobulated contraption into the house. Edwina, also accustomed to irregularities in her snappy world, came in laughing with the rest of us.
We set up and gathered the women, already gabbing and giggling, around the dining table where I had also set up a portable ironing board on the table. I had a sample men's dress shirt from the dry cleaners, perfectly starched and pressed, to compare our work to this morning. Also on hand were two wrinkled, but clean, shirts. Aggie was the volunteer to try it as Edwina taught it.
Edwina is a widow but was married to a preacher and raised several children in her four-score-plus years of life. She always felt the need to look her best and to make sure her family did too. She has pulled wrinkles out of more tough surfaces that a Hollywood dermatologist would be totally jealous of her skills.
She showed us the most obvious places of the shirt that need closer attention; the collar, buttons and facing, cufffs and shoulders. She used the end of the ironing board, which suddenly decided to be her friend, to press the shape of the shirt into the shoulders. She did this by pulling the neck and collar over the narrow end of the board first and just enough to slide a bit of the sleeve onto the end. It made a smooth fit and Edwina could iron easily without getting any fabric caught in a fold and accidently pressing a nice crease into the front. I have done this several times to my own annoyance. Aggie did a splendid job of following the instructions Edwina gave. Aggie demonstrated how to make the neck line area stand tall by pressing the iron between the top button and the collar and then giving the collar a little tug. That's a neat little trick.
She also used the back, square part, of the board and fit it between the sleeves as she ironed the back of the shirt. How about that . . . it looked like the other end of the board was just made for such a purpose.
She described how irons have a layered groove at the pointed tip of the iron so that it can iron around buttons. Several women exclaimed, "oh, I didn't know that", and moved up closer to see what they had apparently missed all their lives. Edwina demonstrated that as she ironed around buttons, the grooved worked to lift the button out of the way so that that tip of the iron could press the fabric underneath. That was a cool (or rather "hot") finding.
She told stories, as women are likely to do while working on a routine task, as she worked. She remembered heating an iron iron (as opposed to a stainless steel iron) on the stove to get it hot enough to press out their clothes.
She also remembered the days when they used borax powdered starch. They would mix the dry starch in a bowl of water and then dip just the collar, border and cuffs into the mixure. We wondered how they did that without getting the rest of the shirt wet. So, of course, she demonstrated. We watched as she first folded the cuffs back and forth in about 1 inch folds, accordian style and held that bunch in her one hand. She then gathered the collar and folded it back and forth the same way and held that in her one hand too, with the blousie parts of the shirt hanging down. Finally, she zig-zag folded the button border up the same way and held what looked like a fabric flower bud waiting to explode. She said that after they folded up the parts that needed to be starched, they just dunked them in the water and starch mixture and put it in the refrigerator.
Ok, I was really following the whole thing until the refrigerator part. I started thinking, 'that's what I get for asking an elderly woman to do a demonstration'. But, I was wrong because after several astonished looks and a gasp, Edwina explained. In those days, you would mix up your starch and dip the shirt sections all at one time rather than do the mix each day. Usually, there were too many shirts to iron all at one time, especially when you did laundry once a week, so, to keep the borax starch from going bad, they kept the whole thing fresh in the fridge. Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle. The things women spent their time on.
Today of course, we have spray starch to use. And, we probably don't have so many items to iron that we have to save some in the fridge. Aggie said that when she starches, she starches the inside of the garment, rather than the outside, so that the iron's surface doesn't get sticky. That's a good idea.
She also said they ironed the sheets and underwear. I think it was Annette who asked why they did that because she had heard that and had always wondered. Clearly, the sheets weren't made out of the fine threaded fabric we have today. They were rough milled cotton and the thread count was probably less than 100 per square inch. So when they slept on the sheet, it was rough on their skin and chaffed. If they ironed the sheets, they would be smoother and easier to sleep on. The same was true of the underwear they wore. Today's nicest sheets are 600 threads per square inch, which means there's little possibility of actually feeling the threads on your skin. Of course, we have different sources of thread than raw cotton to use today also. I can't imagine all that time spent just ironing to make your family more comfortable. No wonder my Irish female ancestors took in ironing for extra pay. Now it makes sense.
We had a fun time chatting about our own experiences of ironing. One woman said that when she doesn't feel like she has accomplished anything, she will iron. She said that everytime she pressed out a wrinkle, she told herself, 'see there, I've fixed a problem today'. Who knew that ironing could be an uplifting experience. I never thought of that. Several stories of finger burns and of the career woman in a hurry to iron a smudge of wrinkles out of her skirts while wearing it.
We also had a few remedies for getting out scorch marks. Since these are really slight burns on the fabric, and if not too deep, they may be scrubbed with an steel-wool pad. If you damage the fabric with the steel-wool, I guess you just need to admit defeat and throw the thing out.
Joan said she just throws her ironing on top of her tread mill so she has an excuse to not do either. With that, we finished the demonstration in smiles.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Session 2 - Group Activity
We broke into groups of 3-5 people to explore our own experiences with situations that require patience or long-suffering.
This woman's choices on how to respond could include anger, bitterness, or leveraging her control over their children as a way to hurt him back. We talked about another alternative for her to behave in a positive way. This would be to trust the Lord to take care of her, each day's requiremednts and to focus on giving on give the right kind of attention and time to her children to talk to her and find her available during this difficult time. The danger of allowing oneself to get caught up in anger is that once it starts, it's so hard to end. The women I know who are still angry at a spouse or situation from the past that had tried their patience are clearly not happy. We talked about allowing joy to fill her heart of God's peace and not become a bitter woman to those around her and to have that image to her children. I believe we can all bring to mind a woman who has let bitterness tangle her up and turned her into a contentious, negative thinking, critcal person. We have to choose to be something else otherwise we will will slide right into that pit.
Other women shared their fears and told how they were worried about close family members who were fighting cancer and other illnesses. After listening to Betty Jean tell her story of caring for her mother, it opened up other's hearts to share in the difficult struggle they had of being a care giver to a family member. Watching a loved one suffer is not easy and we talked about how we can respond and also how easy in this situation it is become discouraged and to lose hope. We reminded each other to read the Bible on daily basis especially in hard hard trials. We can pick up so many promises.
Remember too, that because we are human, we will have moments or even seasons of low faith and little trust. Recognize these times as opportunities to see how great our God is. His mercy is everlasting. His goodness to each of us is waiting to pour into each inndividual in a unique way.
An excellent passage that has encouraged me on numerous occassions and that has helped me to know what behavior to aspire to is Colossians 1:10-14.
"Walk in a manner worthy of th Lord to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, accoriding to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously, giving thanks to the father who has qualified us to share in teh inheritance of the saints in light. For he delivered us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved son, in whom we have redeption, the forgiveness of sins."
The worksheet we used asked us to list situations in our lives that required patience or long-suffering. Then, on the opposite side we listed the different behavior choices respective to those situations. This activity helped the women talk about the difficulties, but rather than trying to find solutions to events that we are largely not in control of, we talked about the choices we make of how we can choose to respond.
One woman shared how her husband and she had separated about a year ago and that she had since become a Christian. She said she is learning so much about trusting the Lord in her new faith and how much joy she has. But her husband, not a believer, is involved in activities that are not honorable and some unlawful. He is often angry, blames her for their problems, throws the fact that she is a Christian at her when she acts wrong, and is unwilling to reconcile. She still loves him but feels she is suffering a long time from his verbal abuse.This woman's choices on how to respond could include anger, bitterness, or leveraging her control over their children as a way to hurt him back. We talked about another alternative for her to behave in a positive way. This would be to trust the Lord to take care of her, each day's requiremednts and to focus on giving on give the right kind of attention and time to her children to talk to her and find her available during this difficult time. The danger of allowing oneself to get caught up in anger is that once it starts, it's so hard to end. The women I know who are still angry at a spouse or situation from the past that had tried their patience are clearly not happy. We talked about allowing joy to fill her heart of God's peace and not become a bitter woman to those around her and to have that image to her children. I believe we can all bring to mind a woman who has let bitterness tangle her up and turned her into a contentious, negative thinking, critcal person. We have to choose to be something else otherwise we will will slide right into that pit.
Other women shared their fears and told how they were worried about close family members who were fighting cancer and other illnesses. After listening to Betty Jean tell her story of caring for her mother, it opened up other's hearts to share in the difficult struggle they had of being a care giver to a family member. Watching a loved one suffer is not easy and we talked about how we can respond and also how easy in this situation it is become discouraged and to lose hope. We reminded each other to read the Bible on daily basis especially in hard hard trials. We can pick up so many promises.
Remember too, that because we are human, we will have moments or even seasons of low faith and little trust. Recognize these times as opportunities to see how great our God is. His mercy is everlasting. His goodness to each of us is waiting to pour into each inndividual in a unique way.
An excellent passage that has encouraged me on numerous occassions and that has helped me to know what behavior to aspire to is Colossians 1:10-14.
"Walk in a manner worthy of th Lord to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, accoriding to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously, giving thanks to the father who has qualified us to share in teh inheritance of the saints in light. For he delivered us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved son, in whom we have redeption, the forgiveness of sins."
Monday, March 22, 2010
San Angelo Breakfast
Enjoy this popular dish brought one Saturday morning. It was nearly gone before I had a chance to dish some up for myself.
From the kitchen of Becky:
Ingredients:
3 c. grated, monterey jack cheese
1 lb. sausage, cooked and drained
6 eggs, beaten
1 can (8 count) crescent rolls
8 oz. fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 can cream of onion soup
Instructions:
Prepare the night before serving: Unroll crescent rolls and press into a 9" x 13" pan. Spoon sausage over crust and sprinkle with mushrooms and half of the cheese. Mix eggs, soup and the other half of the cheese; pour over. Chill overnight. Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.
From the kitchen of Becky:
Ingredients:
3 c. grated, monterey jack cheese
1 lb. sausage, cooked and drained
6 eggs, beaten
1 can (8 count) crescent rolls
8 oz. fresh mushrooms, sliced
1 can cream of onion soup
Instructions:
Prepare the night before serving: Unroll crescent rolls and press into a 9" x 13" pan. Spoon sausage over crust and sprinkle with mushrooms and half of the cheese. Mix eggs, soup and the other half of the cheese; pour over. Chill overnight. Bake at 350 degrees for one hour.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 5
"That next July, we went on vacation with a pop-up camper. We left for a trip to Washington, DC to see Ed's younger brother who was in the Air Force and working at the Pentagon. I stepped out of the trailer about our second night out and sprained my ankle very bad. I went to the hospital, had an x-ray, and was told to stay off it. Well, we went on to DC and I hobbled around sight-seeing for one day. Then I decided I couldn't do that much walking after all.
"One afternoon they took the kids to the movies and Ed and his brother went to the "Officer's Club" where he started drinking. "I felt like my world had fallen apart when they came home to the camper. Would I live with a drinking husband again?
"I had developed Phlebitis in my leg with the bad ankle. I had to see a Doctor again and got strict orders to stay in bed for five days and not travel till I saw him again. I did. People in the campground came over to where we were and they were very kind to us.
"Eight months later, we had a healthy baby boy. The kids were now 17, 15, 12 and 8 so I had good help. It was three years later that I had our last boy.
"I was not happy about the idea of another baby and my Ed was still partying. I was 42 when the last one came; but now this baby boy is the is the one with twins of his own and an 8 year-old who are the joy of my life. I thank God for him and ask forgiveness for the way I received the unhappy news of another baby.
"There were many ups and downs for the next few years. My Mother passed in 1977 after 11 difficult months on a feed tube. But, God saw us through. In just a few years Ed found out he had diabetes. It had been passed down through his Mother's side.
"So with this news, he quit drinking and things got better at home. He never really got active in church again, but he repented and made things right with the Lord before he died in 2002.
"God was so good to me and blessed me with grace and patience when I needed it most.
"Just yesterday the Bible verse in my Daily Bread was James 1:2-3, 'My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.'"
"One afternoon they took the kids to the movies and Ed and his brother went to the "Officer's Club" where he started drinking. "I felt like my world had fallen apart when they came home to the camper. Would I live with a drinking husband again?
"I had developed Phlebitis in my leg with the bad ankle. I had to see a Doctor again and got strict orders to stay in bed for five days and not travel till I saw him again. I did. People in the campground came over to where we were and they were very kind to us.
"Eight months later, we had a healthy baby boy. The kids were now 17, 15, 12 and 8 so I had good help. It was three years later that I had our last boy.
"I was not happy about the idea of another baby and my Ed was still partying. I was 42 when the last one came; but now this baby boy is the is the one with twins of his own and an 8 year-old who are the joy of my life. I thank God for him and ask forgiveness for the way I received the unhappy news of another baby.
"There were many ups and downs for the next few years. My Mother passed in 1977 after 11 difficult months on a feed tube. But, God saw us through. In just a few years Ed found out he had diabetes. It had been passed down through his Mother's side.
"So with this news, he quit drinking and things got better at home. He never really got active in church again, but he repented and made things right with the Lord before he died in 2002.
"God was so good to me and blessed me with grace and patience when I needed it most.
"Just yesterday the Bible verse in my Daily Bread was James 1:2-3, 'My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.'"
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 4
"Tragedy struck on December 13, 1965 when our oldest daughter, 15 years and one month, was struck by a car on the interstate expressway and killed instantly. She was five blocks from home and with a few of her friends. Today's expressway is 10 lanes and raised quite a bit off of street level. However in those days it was a four lane highway, on the same level as the residential houses, and with a simple divider in the middle. The wire fence barrier to the expressway was down and she and about three others decided to cross over to the other side. They were only one block away from the overpass, but together waited fro the traffic to slow. She darted out first and I'm not sure if she was wearing her glasses at that time or not. A car swerved to miss her but hit her with the front bumper and threw her body into the other two lanes of traffic.
"I recall that the paper made quite a stink about the fence being down and how that if it had been maintained, the children would not have been out there.
"We were at the dinner table with my Mother when we got the call. We left immediately to the expressway.
"I felt God's presence there with me, felt Him holding me, and He said to my heart, 'I'll see you through this.' It was amazing how we all felt His loving comfort. I was so thankful for a Christian husband to share and be comforted with together. Our Christian Fellowship church family was wonderful.
The most comforting thing was finding the Bible Polly had won for attendance under her bed along with her school work. In the front she had written the date that she herself had accepted Jesus as her Savior. I then knew that Polly was with Him.
I wish I knew more about what actually happened out there on the expressway. It won't change anything, or bring her back.
Four years later we were surprised to learn I was pregnant again. I felt like God was just giving me another to replace Polly, not that it really could really replace her.
"I recall that the paper made quite a stink about the fence being down and how that if it had been maintained, the children would not have been out there.
"We were at the dinner table with my Mother when we got the call. We left immediately to the expressway.
"I felt God's presence there with me, felt Him holding me, and He said to my heart, 'I'll see you through this.' It was amazing how we all felt His loving comfort. I was so thankful for a Christian husband to share and be comforted with together. Our Christian Fellowship church family was wonderful.
The most comforting thing was finding the Bible Polly had won for attendance under her bed along with her school work. In the front she had written the date that she herself had accepted Jesus as her Savior. I then knew that Polly was with Him.
I wish I knew more about what actually happened out there on the expressway. It won't change anything, or bring her back.
Four years later we were surprised to learn I was pregnant again. I felt like God was just giving me another to replace Polly, not that it really could really replace her.
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 3
Betty tells me this next part of her story separate from her written notes.
During these first years years of marriage, Edsel went out on his days off for a drink with his friends. They never had alcohol in the house and so he would go and sit at a bar and talk it up with his friends. This occurred about once every week or two.
He would be drunk by the time he came home and she remembers him being quite obnoxious. He would frequently pick verbal fights with her to get her to argue, however, she soon learned not to argue or make a fuss while he was drunk. She always made him a sandwich, however, when he got home and showed her love for him beyond his behavior to her.
She knew her kids were upset and one older son was ready to take action and protect her if it ever became violent. But, it never did.
Betty never considered him an alcoholic at the time since he didn't drink every day. She has expressed to me over the years, especially when I was struggling with my own situation, that while she could have chosen to leave him, she didn't have anywhere to go with the kids and hadn't had a job in years.
He continued to drink throughout their marriage until he trusted Christ as his savior.
Betty continues with her story.
"I had asked Jesus to live in my heart many times when I would go to confession and communion. But at the Christian church, I learned to trust him as my very own personal savior and I could be assured of eternal life with Him. I learned so much from the Bible - verses like John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.'
"The Spirit was working in my husband's life too. Pastor Murphy was our pastor then and he kept encouraging me to pray - but not to nag him. What a glorious night when Edsel cam down from the balcony and went to the front of the church to meet pastor and ask Jesus to be His Savior and Lord of his life. He repented and truly turned his life around. He even lost his desire for beer.
"I was so happy - I said I didn't want to ever have to put up with a drunk husband again. On New Year's Eve of 1962 we were baptised.
"We went together to the Homebuilder's Sunday School class. Ed loved to go to the local homeless men's mission with the men. He enjoyed his new-found faith in Christ and our marriage was stronger and happier."
During these first years years of marriage, Edsel went out on his days off for a drink with his friends. They never had alcohol in the house and so he would go and sit at a bar and talk it up with his friends. This occurred about once every week or two.
He would be drunk by the time he came home and she remembers him being quite obnoxious. He would frequently pick verbal fights with her to get her to argue, however, she soon learned not to argue or make a fuss while he was drunk. She always made him a sandwich, however, when he got home and showed her love for him beyond his behavior to her.
She knew her kids were upset and one older son was ready to take action and protect her if it ever became violent. But, it never did.
Betty never considered him an alcoholic at the time since he didn't drink every day. She has expressed to me over the years, especially when I was struggling with my own situation, that while she could have chosen to leave him, she didn't have anywhere to go with the kids and hadn't had a job in years.
He continued to drink throughout their marriage until he trusted Christ as his savior.
Betty continues with her story.
"I had asked Jesus to live in my heart many times when I would go to confession and communion. But at the Christian church, I learned to trust him as my very own personal savior and I could be assured of eternal life with Him. I learned so much from the Bible - verses like John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.'
"The Spirit was working in my husband's life too. Pastor Murphy was our pastor then and he kept encouraging me to pray - but not to nag him. What a glorious night when Edsel cam down from the balcony and went to the front of the church to meet pastor and ask Jesus to be His Savior and Lord of his life. He repented and truly turned his life around. He even lost his desire for beer.
"I was so happy - I said I didn't want to ever have to put up with a drunk husband again. On New Year's Eve of 1962 we were baptised.
"We went together to the Homebuilder's Sunday School class. Ed loved to go to the local homeless men's mission with the men. He enjoyed his new-found faith in Christ and our marriage was stronger and happier."
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 2
"Edsel and I talked to the priest about the time of September that year. He took some instructions about the Catholic religion and promised to raise our children in the Church. His parents were very much against him marrying a Catholic girl. They lived in a little town in South East Missouri.
"Edsel's dad worked for cotton farmers and Edsel had picked cotton most of his life. He said he was never able to be in school teh first day in September or the last day of school in May because he had to be in the field working. He went into the army at 18 and spent his 3 years and then was home for some time. he had some money and wanted his Dad to buy a farm but his Dad said 'no'. He never wanted to be in debt. He'd never had a car either.
"Edsel's sister had married and was living in Weston so he came up here to be by her. He got a job and lived in a rooming house - ate all his meals in a corner restaurant - but was sure happy when on my days off, I invited him to have dinner with us. I saw or talked to him every day.
"We were married in 1950 in the parsonage by the priest. At that time mixed marriages didn't take place in the Church. My first baby girl arrived in 9 months and 2 days later. The next one in 21 months and then 2 years later a boy, then in another 3 years, a girl and then in 4 more years, another boy. Five in all at that time.
"Polly, my oldest was going to Catholic school and made her first communion. She liked to go to Mass with me depending on what shift Ed was working and able to be with the other children. To only be gone away from the family as little as possible, I tried to go real early and leave the rest at home. Taking five little ones to Mass wasn't my idea of of worshipping. I personally struggled with being at Church without my family.
"I remember vividly one Sunday coming home from my Church alone, and just crying out to God. 'I know this isn't pleasing to you to not have all the children in Church. I just need your help, God. you know the desire of my heart. I want my family to be in Church together'.
"In the spring of 1962, my sister and her husband had encouraged Edsel to visit the Christian Fellowship Church, a Protestant church where they thought Edsel would be comfortable at. He asked about taking our kids because they wanted to go to Sunday School and found they would be welcomed. So they went with their Daddy.
"In those days, on the third Sunday of attendance at the Christian church, you would receive a Bible. The children were very excited about going that next Sunday. But, Ed had to work days that Sunday and they wouldn't be able to go. So I took them and dropped them off and said I'd go to Mass and be back at 10:30 to pick them up.
"As I pulled out of the parking lot, I was convicted that this was where I should be - with my children. It was the first time in my life to be in a Protestant church. People were so friendly and made me feel like I belonged. The next Sunday, we all went to Sunday School and even stayed for worship services. God had answered my prayer that we would be in Church as a family.
"Edsel's dad worked for cotton farmers and Edsel had picked cotton most of his life. He said he was never able to be in school teh first day in September or the last day of school in May because he had to be in the field working. He went into the army at 18 and spent his 3 years and then was home for some time. he had some money and wanted his Dad to buy a farm but his Dad said 'no'. He never wanted to be in debt. He'd never had a car either.
"Edsel's sister had married and was living in Weston so he came up here to be by her. He got a job and lived in a rooming house - ate all his meals in a corner restaurant - but was sure happy when on my days off, I invited him to have dinner with us. I saw or talked to him every day.
"We were married in 1950 in the parsonage by the priest. At that time mixed marriages didn't take place in the Church. My first baby girl arrived in 9 months and 2 days later. The next one in 21 months and then 2 years later a boy, then in another 3 years, a girl and then in 4 more years, another boy. Five in all at that time.
"Polly, my oldest was going to Catholic school and made her first communion. She liked to go to Mass with me depending on what shift Ed was working and able to be with the other children. To only be gone away from the family as little as possible, I tried to go real early and leave the rest at home. Taking five little ones to Mass wasn't my idea of of worshipping. I personally struggled with being at Church without my family.
"I remember vividly one Sunday coming home from my Church alone, and just crying out to God. 'I know this isn't pleasing to you to not have all the children in Church. I just need your help, God. you know the desire of my heart. I want my family to be in Church together'.
"In the spring of 1962, my sister and her husband had encouraged Edsel to visit the Christian Fellowship Church, a Protestant church where they thought Edsel would be comfortable at. He asked about taking our kids because they wanted to go to Sunday School and found they would be welcomed. So they went with their Daddy.
"In those days, on the third Sunday of attendance at the Christian church, you would receive a Bible. The children were very excited about going that next Sunday. But, Ed had to work days that Sunday and they wouldn't be able to go. So I took them and dropped them off and said I'd go to Mass and be back at 10:30 to pick them up.
"As I pulled out of the parking lot, I was convicted that this was where I should be - with my children. It was the first time in my life to be in a Protestant church. People were so friendly and made me feel like I belonged. The next Sunday, we all went to Sunday School and even stayed for worship services. God had answered my prayer that we would be in Church as a family.
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 1
"Stacey asked me to talk about patience - our theme for today; so I'll try your patience - please endure what I have to say.
"I grew up in Coffeyfille, Ks. My parents were Roman Catholic and so was I. I attended eight years in Catholic school, then to public school. My Dad worked at Sinclair Refinery since before I was born. I had one sister, two years younger than me, and we had a happy childhood.
"When I was 13 my Mother began having some (at that time) strange symptons. After seeing many doctors and clinics, finally Mayo clinic in Minnesota told us it was Parkinson's Disease. She was in her 30's, which is rather unusual to have Parkinsons at this age.
"In just a few years, the tremors were so bad it was difficult for her to feed herself. Maybe it wasn't the best thing for us to do, but we usually fed her. Daddy was so patient with her. I remember when I was in high school, he would be working four to midnight (he always worked shift work). He would pick me up from school at noon, have a good lunch fixed for us, then I would help Mother in the evening. I had time for my friends and even boyfriends and social life and lots of fun times.
"I graduated from high school in 1947. Started to work as a telephone operator and started Junior College there in C'ville. In 1948, the Sinclair Refinery in Coffeyville closed and the employees were given the opportunity to transfer to another plant. East Town was the one Daddy chose. He came up here with four others and we stayed behind until he could find a home for us. Then Daddy called for us to come. It was up to me to drive, about 700 miles, with a seven or eight year old Pontiac up here. There was a time during the drive where several motorcyles crowded around the car for several miles, driving past, and cutting us off. I was frightened for Mother who was strapped into the front seat and my sister in back. We had all our possesions in the car with us. It was a stressful trip and I remember breaking down in tears when we drove up to the rooming house where Daddy was. Of course it took two days.
"I took care of our home and Mother. My sister had to finish high school. In April I asked Daddy if I could transfer my time to the East Town telephone office. This meant that he would have to assume more care for Mother. So I started to work.
"For many years my favorite past time was roller skating and my sister and I enjoyed that when Daddy would be home for the evening. One you man, Bob, took a fancy to my sister for a few dates and even fixed me up with a fellow employee of the Wonder-Bread bakery. One date was even on a cruise boat in the nearby city.
"In July, the Wonder-Bread company had their annual picnic and I was invited. My original date had to tend bar for a copule of hours, so Bob picked us up. Shortly after arriving, I was introduced to Edsel. He was tall, good looking, sweet and we spent the afternoon together. Somehow the other fellow got the message that I would rather be with Edsel.
"Edsel and I saw or talked to each other every day. After a few days, he called and said perhaps we shouldn't see each other because he would never be a Catholic. To which I replied, 'I would never leave my Church for any man'. But, the next day he called again and told me he cared a lot about me and he would never ask me to give up my faith. But that he would do what was necessary for us to be together.
"I grew up in Coffeyfille, Ks. My parents were Roman Catholic and so was I. I attended eight years in Catholic school, then to public school. My Dad worked at Sinclair Refinery since before I was born. I had one sister, two years younger than me, and we had a happy childhood.
"When I was 13 my Mother began having some (at that time) strange symptons. After seeing many doctors and clinics, finally Mayo clinic in Minnesota told us it was Parkinson's Disease. She was in her 30's, which is rather unusual to have Parkinsons at this age.
"In just a few years, the tremors were so bad it was difficult for her to feed herself. Maybe it wasn't the best thing for us to do, but we usually fed her. Daddy was so patient with her. I remember when I was in high school, he would be working four to midnight (he always worked shift work). He would pick me up from school at noon, have a good lunch fixed for us, then I would help Mother in the evening. I had time for my friends and even boyfriends and social life and lots of fun times.
"I graduated from high school in 1947. Started to work as a telephone operator and started Junior College there in C'ville. In 1948, the Sinclair Refinery in Coffeyville closed and the employees were given the opportunity to transfer to another plant. East Town was the one Daddy chose. He came up here with four others and we stayed behind until he could find a home for us. Then Daddy called for us to come. It was up to me to drive, about 700 miles, with a seven or eight year old Pontiac up here. There was a time during the drive where several motorcyles crowded around the car for several miles, driving past, and cutting us off. I was frightened for Mother who was strapped into the front seat and my sister in back. We had all our possesions in the car with us. It was a stressful trip and I remember breaking down in tears when we drove up to the rooming house where Daddy was. Of course it took two days.
"I took care of our home and Mother. My sister had to finish high school. In April I asked Daddy if I could transfer my time to the East Town telephone office. This meant that he would have to assume more care for Mother. So I started to work.
"For many years my favorite past time was roller skating and my sister and I enjoyed that when Daddy would be home for the evening. One you man, Bob, took a fancy to my sister for a few dates and even fixed me up with a fellow employee of the Wonder-Bread bakery. One date was even on a cruise boat in the nearby city.
"In July, the Wonder-Bread company had their annual picnic and I was invited. My original date had to tend bar for a copule of hours, so Bob picked us up. Shortly after arriving, I was introduced to Edsel. He was tall, good looking, sweet and we spent the afternoon together. Somehow the other fellow got the message that I would rather be with Edsel.
"Edsel and I saw or talked to each other every day. After a few days, he called and said perhaps we shouldn't see each other because he would never be a Catholic. To which I replied, 'I would never leave my Church for any man'. But, the next day he called again and told me he cared a lot about me and he would never ask me to give up my faith. But that he would do what was necessary for us to be together.
Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean
The year 1930 was the all-time peak of popularity for parents to name their daughters Betty, the name representing 3.3% of all babies born that year. The 1931 census report shows there were about 2 million babies born in 1931 of which 80,616 were stillbirths and another 130,134 dying before turning one year old. Of the female infants surviving, nearly 7% of the girls were named Betty. Today, fewer than .02% of parents use this lovely old fashioned name. Meaning "oath"and derived from a Spanish word, the name certainly was appropriate for our Betty Jean.
Our Betty Jean was born in 1929 in Coffeyville, Kansas, just 18 days after Black Tuesday, that infamous day the stock market crashed on Wall Street. She didn't choose to make her entrance into a world already positioned for hardship and long-suffering, but it was certainly part of God's plan for her.
I met Betty when my daughter was three. She was the Sunday School teacher at church for the pre-kindergarden kids. There was never a more talented woman at the flannel graph story board. In those days, a good story teller would have children rapt with attention as Jesus flew into the clouds on his ascent from the grave, or as Naman dipped seven times into the dirty river water to be cleansed of leprosy. She was worth every cent we could have paid her. But of course Sunday School teachers weren't (and still aren't) paid with anything more than sticky-finger hugs and parents' smiles upon seeing a star given for quoting the four-word memory verse.
Betty became my prayer partner as my marriage was crumbling from the stress of living with an alcoholic. We stood several times in the parking lot and chatted through tears after the church services were finished. She encouraged me to continue to be an obedient Christian, to not sin through this awful time, and she told me of her own struggle dealing with the affects alcoholism in her marriage.
The story that follows is hers. She shared it with us at the Good Things Women's Ministry day and read from seven pages of handwritten notes. She clearly labored over what she'd written since a number of sections were either crossed out or underlined, tiny inserts were written in between the lines, and whole sentences squeezed in the margins.
I thought perhaps I would just recap her life's testimony about patience and long-suffering in this blog. But feel that her story, as written, is more complete and reflects her style and the era in which she grew up. I'll type it as she wrote it, only editing a few things in order to maintain her privacy or to give clarity on events. I'll also break it into sections, giving you the reader, the same space for reflection and the same pause for time should you need to grab a tissue or two as we who were listening did in the room.
I transcribe this story with her permission.
Our Betty Jean was born in 1929 in Coffeyville, Kansas, just 18 days after Black Tuesday, that infamous day the stock market crashed on Wall Street. She didn't choose to make her entrance into a world already positioned for hardship and long-suffering, but it was certainly part of God's plan for her.
I met Betty when my daughter was three. She was the Sunday School teacher at church for the pre-kindergarden kids. There was never a more talented woman at the flannel graph story board. In those days, a good story teller would have children rapt with attention as Jesus flew into the clouds on his ascent from the grave, or as Naman dipped seven times into the dirty river water to be cleansed of leprosy. She was worth every cent we could have paid her. But of course Sunday School teachers weren't (and still aren't) paid with anything more than sticky-finger hugs and parents' smiles upon seeing a star given for quoting the four-word memory verse.
Betty became my prayer partner as my marriage was crumbling from the stress of living with an alcoholic. We stood several times in the parking lot and chatted through tears after the church services were finished. She encouraged me to continue to be an obedient Christian, to not sin through this awful time, and she told me of her own struggle dealing with the affects alcoholism in her marriage.
The story that follows is hers. She shared it with us at the Good Things Women's Ministry day and read from seven pages of handwritten notes. She clearly labored over what she'd written since a number of sections were either crossed out or underlined, tiny inserts were written in between the lines, and whole sentences squeezed in the margins.
I thought perhaps I would just recap her life's testimony about patience and long-suffering in this blog. But feel that her story, as written, is more complete and reflects her style and the era in which she grew up. I'll type it as she wrote it, only editing a few things in order to maintain her privacy or to give clarity on events. I'll also break it into sections, giving you the reader, the same space for reflection and the same pause for time should you need to grab a tissue or two as we who were listening did in the room.
I transcribe this story with her permission.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Session 2 - Lesson, Tolerance and the Johari Window
How do we build the tolerance needed to sustain patience? What tools can we put in our tool belt and have ready to pull out when long-suffering is about to make us do something in anger?
First is God's Word. Read it! ! ! Alot ! ! ! This instruction book God's given us should be used to compare ourselves to it and to check to see if we are behaving with love. Who in their right mind is not going to take the inventor's tips and tricks to a good life when it is readily available? When we are tempted to be bitter through a hardship (and it is so so easy to be when we endure a difficulty for a long long time) reading "cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you" can be a timely reminder of the fact that because God knows everything about you, you can literally throw your fears and insecurities to him and he will return to you peace and contentment. One of my newly found favorites is Romans 12:18-21 telling us that we should work towards peace, even with our enemies and that we are not to take our own revenge. Wow, this is a great reminder that when read at the right moment, we know how to act when that twit of a co-worker just took the credit for something you did. Also, reading God's promises is a sure-fire way to strengthen your hope when you are discouraged.
Second, surround yourself with Godly people. Listen to their advice. Ask them to pray for you and with you. There's a double benefit when people you trust wrap themselves around you physically (did you know your blood pressure drops when someone hugs you?) and cover your needs as they pray for you. It takes a bit of humbleness to reach out. Are you there yet? Or are you still trying to tough it out on your own? Stop that and start to enjoy the interdependence Christians have with each other. Godly people are our electrical power-strip that we can get plugged into and immediately share in this thing called love that mature Christians are well known for. Make sure this power-strip is one of the main tools in your tool belt.
Third, work to understand your situation and the people involved. James tells us in James 1:19 to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. In other words, assess the situation before you react. The magnifying glass of self-assessment should be tucked right next to your other working implements.
The Johari Window (named by two communication experts in the 1950's, John and Harry) is a device used to help better understand interpersonal relationships. It is depicted in a graphic and used in counseling, management seminars, teaching, relationship building and is a good device to use here to help us reflect on our relationship with others. (Note: This tool is sometimes used in psychology to understand human nature, however, unlike modern psychology, I take the approach where God is recognized and honored in all aspects of His creation.)
Each quadrant of the box is a visual presentation of what we know and understand about ourselves. The graphic is a simple box with four quadrants.
The first is called "Open" and represents what we know about about ourselves and what we willingly share with others. Like this blog, this is sharing stories openly. The second is "Blind" and depicts what we are blind to about ourselves and are unaware of, but that which we unconsciously reveal. Being nervous is a good example of this if we unconsciously drum our fingers on the table but which is apparent and probably annoying to others. Or like when you have broccoli stuck in your teeth. Third is "Hidden". This is information we have about ourselves which we do not want others to know. Perhaps we had a childhood experience we are unwilling to tell others about. And fourth is the "unknown" where no one on earth knows it. For example, neither I or others would know how I would behave in a wild animal attack. Or, perhaps there is a hidden talent I have but which would not be found until later in life.
1) knowingly share; 2) unconsciously reveal, unaware of; 3) info we do not want others to know; 4) unknown to anyone other than God
If you have a relationship with someone, however, whose Open quadrant is the largest of the four, you will likely have someone who shares readily, has dealt with their own ghosts in their closet, has rectified their past with the present, and has come to terms with many fears. This Window would perhaps look like this:
I like how Paul tells the Corinthians that he is being frank with them and that his heart is open to them in his letter 2Cor 6:11-12, even though they seem to show resistance. On the other hand, a danger to being too open is if you carelessly share information with others who are not interested, or if you naively reveal something about yourself which others can use to harm you.
If you are in a relationship where the person always seems guarded, perhaps their Hidden quadrant is larger than the others. If they give short answers to questions, don't reciprocate after you tell about your day, uses criticism to keep people at a distance, don't talk about their childhood, or if after you've known them for a while you don't know much about their family, perhaps they have hurts and fears they are hiding. This person may give the appearance of being aloof, uncaring, judgmental, or just not involved all in the effort to keep what is hidden in the dark. Their Window may look like this:
First is God's Word. Read it! ! ! Alot ! ! ! This instruction book God's given us should be used to compare ourselves to it and to check to see if we are behaving with love. Who in their right mind is not going to take the inventor's tips and tricks to a good life when it is readily available? When we are tempted to be bitter through a hardship (and it is so so easy to be when we endure a difficulty for a long long time) reading "cast your cares upon Him because He cares for you" can be a timely reminder of the fact that because God knows everything about you, you can literally throw your fears and insecurities to him and he will return to you peace and contentment. One of my newly found favorites is Romans 12:18-21 telling us that we should work towards peace, even with our enemies and that we are not to take our own revenge. Wow, this is a great reminder that when read at the right moment, we know how to act when that twit of a co-worker just took the credit for something you did. Also, reading God's promises is a sure-fire way to strengthen your hope when you are discouraged.
Second, surround yourself with Godly people. Listen to their advice. Ask them to pray for you and with you. There's a double benefit when people you trust wrap themselves around you physically (did you know your blood pressure drops when someone hugs you?) and cover your needs as they pray for you. It takes a bit of humbleness to reach out. Are you there yet? Or are you still trying to tough it out on your own? Stop that and start to enjoy the interdependence Christians have with each other. Godly people are our electrical power-strip that we can get plugged into and immediately share in this thing called love that mature Christians are well known for. Make sure this power-strip is one of the main tools in your tool belt.
Third, work to understand your situation and the people involved. James tells us in James 1:19 to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. In other words, assess the situation before you react. The magnifying glass of self-assessment should be tucked right next to your other working implements.
The Johari Window (named by two communication experts in the 1950's, John and Harry) is a device used to help better understand interpersonal relationships. It is depicted in a graphic and used in counseling, management seminars, teaching, relationship building and is a good device to use here to help us reflect on our relationship with others. (Note: This tool is sometimes used in psychology to understand human nature, however, unlike modern psychology, I take the approach where God is recognized and honored in all aspects of His creation.)
Each quadrant of the box is a visual presentation of what we know and understand about ourselves. The graphic is a simple box with four quadrants.
The first is called "Open" and represents what we know about about ourselves and what we willingly share with others. Like this blog, this is sharing stories openly. The second is "Blind" and depicts what we are blind to about ourselves and are unaware of, but that which we unconsciously reveal. Being nervous is a good example of this if we unconsciously drum our fingers on the table but which is apparent and probably annoying to others. Or like when you have broccoli stuck in your teeth. Third is "Hidden". This is information we have about ourselves which we do not want others to know. Perhaps we had a childhood experience we are unwilling to tell others about. And fourth is the "unknown" where no one on earth knows it. For example, neither I or others would know how I would behave in a wild animal attack. Or, perhaps there is a hidden talent I have but which would not be found until later in life.
1) knowingly share; 2) unconsciously reveal, unaware of; 3) info we do not want others to know; 4) unknown to anyone other than God
If you have a relationship with someone, however, whose Open quadrant is the largest of the four, you will likely have someone who shares readily, has dealt with their own ghosts in their closet, has rectified their past with the present, and has come to terms with many fears. This Window would perhaps look like this:
I like how Paul tells the Corinthians that he is being frank with them and that his heart is open to them in his letter 2Cor 6:11-12, even though they seem to show resistance. On the other hand, a danger to being too open is if you carelessly share information with others who are not interested, or if you naively reveal something about yourself which others can use to harm you.If you are in a relationship where the person always seems guarded, perhaps their Hidden quadrant is larger than the others. If they give short answers to questions, don't reciprocate after you tell about your day, uses criticism to keep people at a distance, don't talk about their childhood, or if after you've known them for a while you don't know much about their family, perhaps they have hurts and fears they are hiding. This person may give the appearance of being aloof, uncaring, judgmental, or just not involved all in the effort to keep what is hidden in the dark. Their Window may look like this:
Positive reactions to another's behavior are more on hand when you work to understand your own and others' Windows to themselves. Consider the amount of trust, forgiveness, anger, loving or sharp words, over/under social, needs for inclusion, control or affection that a person has with the perspective of how they view themselves and others. This gives us insight into how to love them and work with them. Difficult people can become more understood and therefore more bearable if we take the time to identify with them and accept that person where they are in life's journey.
As Christians, we have an obligation to love one another. We are to be good to all men, but especially to the believers. Hebrews 10:24 is very direct in telling us that we are to work at understanding others enough so that we may also motivate them to love.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Session 2 - Lesson, Long-suffering
How about our other word study for today. Long-suffering: patiently enduring lasting offence or hardship. Obviously since this hyphenated word has the word “long” in it, it implies that this is a long-term, ongoing situation. And what about that word “hardship”? Just reading that word makes my stomach ache.
There are days when we need patience and then there are whole seasons where we suffer with a difficult situation. How can we live through these times and still have joy? Is it even possible? Can we do what is right? What about that bitter feeling we get when all the odds seem against us? It’s easy to slip during a long period of hardship and fall seriously into a pity pool of depression.
Sarah had troubles with this very thing. Also from the “Ten Extraordinary Women” book, it’s made obvious that the first thing mentioned about Sarah in the Bible was that she was barren, that she had no child (Gen 11:29-30). Wouldn’t that be the worst thing to be introduced with? ‘Hi, this is my neighbor, Sarah, she’s sterile.’
Ok, so Sarah had some long-suffering. Did she handle it well? Hmmm . . Not so much. Here’s the short version of what we know about Sarah. She was 65 in the early days of travel with Abraham to the land God promised him in his blessing. God promised Abraham three different times of land, seed and a blessing if Abraham made Yahweh his God. While living in Canaan, Sarah is 75 and makes the mistake that she needed to help God fulfill his promise of “seed” by giving her maid servant, Hagar, to Abraham to start off the promised nation and that’s when Ishmael was conceived and born. Several years later, after she was tired of Hagar showing off her son and kicked her out of the family, she still is barren.
Finally, when she is 90 years old (Gen 17:17-19) she gets pregnant. What’s up with that? Quite the miracle, if you ask me. Now, let’s get this straight. What woman in her 90’s is able to get pregnant? I mean, get for real. Certainly she’s gone through menopause by this time. (this is actually something I’m still waiting for, even though my own sister only 11 months older than me was done with hers 2 years ago, and of course that meant that as soon as she was done I should be, so I marked my calendar for 11 months later because for certain that was when I would be done too, but of course it didn’t work out that way, and I was rather depressed, I did call her up though and tell her she jinxed me, Ok . . . well perhaps I need to consider patience myself on this particular topic).
Anyway, after many years of suffering humiliation, being lonely, trying to force it to happen, repeatedly listening to God’s unfulfilled promised for years, being ridiculed by your maid and so on and so on. Yet, Paul (we believe it was Paul) reports in Hebrews the traditional understanding that Israel had of Sarah in this letter to Jews. Hebrews 11:11 it says “Sarah judged Him faithful who had promised”.
This tells the final conclusion of Sarah. After a life-time of struggle and long-suffering, she was remembered for trusting God to fulfill his promise.
Let’s draw some comparisons. The character of a patient woman who handles long-suffering with grace has trust, faith, God-focused, devotion, humility, hope, is forgiving, and willing to give up control. In contrast, a woman can be destroyed by the same conditions that produce patience but instead is fearful, insecure, untrusting, internally focused, prideful, easily discouraged, prone to bitterness, and controlling.
Sarah obtained stamina and peace through her suffering, constantly placing her faith in God’s promise. Ah Ha ! ! ! There is the secret. Knowing and placing your faith in God’s promise. That is the hope that produces graceful endurance.
Here is the patience and long-suffering presentation if you would like to use it.
There are days when we need patience and then there are whole seasons where we suffer with a difficult situation. How can we live through these times and still have joy? Is it even possible? Can we do what is right? What about that bitter feeling we get when all the odds seem against us? It’s easy to slip during a long period of hardship and fall seriously into a pity pool of depression.
Sarah had troubles with this very thing. Also from the “Ten Extraordinary Women” book, it’s made obvious that the first thing mentioned about Sarah in the Bible was that she was barren, that she had no child (Gen 11:29-30). Wouldn’t that be the worst thing to be introduced with? ‘Hi, this is my neighbor, Sarah, she’s sterile.’
Ok, so Sarah had some long-suffering. Did she handle it well? Hmmm . . Not so much. Here’s the short version of what we know about Sarah. She was 65 in the early days of travel with Abraham to the land God promised him in his blessing. God promised Abraham three different times of land, seed and a blessing if Abraham made Yahweh his God. While living in Canaan, Sarah is 75 and makes the mistake that she needed to help God fulfill his promise of “seed” by giving her maid servant, Hagar, to Abraham to start off the promised nation and that’s when Ishmael was conceived and born. Several years later, after she was tired of Hagar showing off her son and kicked her out of the family, she still is barren.
Finally, when she is 90 years old (Gen 17:17-19) she gets pregnant. What’s up with that? Quite the miracle, if you ask me. Now, let’s get this straight. What woman in her 90’s is able to get pregnant? I mean, get for real. Certainly she’s gone through menopause by this time. (this is actually something I’m still waiting for, even though my own sister only 11 months older than me was done with hers 2 years ago, and of course that meant that as soon as she was done I should be, so I marked my calendar for 11 months later because for certain that was when I would be done too, but of course it didn’t work out that way, and I was rather depressed, I did call her up though and tell her she jinxed me, Ok . . . well perhaps I need to consider patience myself on this particular topic).
Anyway, after many years of suffering humiliation, being lonely, trying to force it to happen, repeatedly listening to God’s unfulfilled promised for years, being ridiculed by your maid and so on and so on. Yet, Paul (we believe it was Paul) reports in Hebrews the traditional understanding that Israel had of Sarah in this letter to Jews. Hebrews 11:11 it says “Sarah judged Him faithful who had promised”.
This tells the final conclusion of Sarah. After a life-time of struggle and long-suffering, she was remembered for trusting God to fulfill his promise.
Let’s draw some comparisons. The character of a patient woman who handles long-suffering with grace has trust, faith, God-focused, devotion, humility, hope, is forgiving, and willing to give up control. In contrast, a woman can be destroyed by the same conditions that produce patience but instead is fearful, insecure, untrusting, internally focused, prideful, easily discouraged, prone to bitterness, and controlling.
Sarah obtained stamina and peace through her suffering, constantly placing her faith in God’s promise. Ah Ha ! ! ! There is the secret. Knowing and placing your faith in God’s promise. That is the hope that produces graceful endurance.
Here is the patience and long-suffering presentation if you would like to use it.
Session 2 - Lesson, Patience
Webster defines patience as having the capacity, habit or fact of being patient. I guess that makes sense. I was looking for more of an example, I suppose, when going to a master source to look up this word. Ok, so I need to look up the word patient first.
Hmmm, Patient: Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint. It seems to me that this implies a short term trial. Also, manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain. Not hasty or impetuous, steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity. Wow, sounds like something I wouldn’t jump into willingly on a Saturday afternoon when the sun is shining and the wind is calling my name.
We find examples of women in the Bible who did and didn’t have these characteristics. We highlight in this lesson the lives of sisters Mary and Martha and also of Sarah. Patience and long-suffering are not traits we can learn overnight. In fact, the first several times we are confronted with an irritating situation we can snap. Unless addressed, it can be a life-long bad habit.
This is exactly what Martha did when Mary was listening to Jesus while he was teaching in their home. And, boy O boy, did she snap. She was also publicly corrected for it. The account is given in Luke 10:38-42 and shows two different ways these women were serving Christ.
John Macarthur’s book, Twelve Extraordinary Women, goes into a lot of detail about what we can learn from the several Bible passages where this family was mentioned. John 11 tells about the death and raising of Lazarus. In John 12 (and also parts of the story are in Matthew 26 and Mark14, Mary anoints the feet of Jesus.
Jesus and several others were visiting Mary and Martha in their home. Martha was very busy preparing and serving the meal while Mary was sitting listening to Jesus’ teaching. Martha complained openly to Jesus that Mary wasn’t helping. This Luke story is a great example of sisterly relationships and how they can be strained.
John Macarthur brings out some clear observations about Mary. She had traits that included: worship, gratitude, she was consumed with Christ, oblivious of anything other than Him when he was around and she portrayed being perceptive of the political stress on Jesus.
Martha also was a devoted Servant, however, she stopped listening to Christ. Her perspective became self-centered and she watched Mary with a critical eye. Perhaps she harbored some bitterness against her younger sister. And then, her patience snapped. If you go back and read this account in Luke, you can read the loving but firm response Jesus gave her in correction.
Martha is mentioned later in John 12 in another hosting incident and seems to have learned the ability to serve with a loving spirit. It's as if God gave her a chance to be mentioned again later on in the Bible to redeem herself and to show that she could change perhaps.
Macarthur describes an additional lesson from this story that the priority of worship is over that of service. And, that the priority of faith is over works.
Here is the patience and long-suffer presentation for this lesson if you would like to use it.
Hmmm, Patient: Bearing pains or trials calmly or without complaint. It seems to me that this implies a short term trial. Also, manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain. Not hasty or impetuous, steadfast despite opposition, difficulty or adversity. Wow, sounds like something I wouldn’t jump into willingly on a Saturday afternoon when the sun is shining and the wind is calling my name.
We find examples of women in the Bible who did and didn’t have these characteristics. We highlight in this lesson the lives of sisters Mary and Martha and also of Sarah. Patience and long-suffering are not traits we can learn overnight. In fact, the first several times we are confronted with an irritating situation we can snap. Unless addressed, it can be a life-long bad habit.
This is exactly what Martha did when Mary was listening to Jesus while he was teaching in their home. And, boy O boy, did she snap. She was also publicly corrected for it. The account is given in Luke 10:38-42 and shows two different ways these women were serving Christ.
John Macarthur’s book, Twelve Extraordinary Women, goes into a lot of detail about what we can learn from the several Bible passages where this family was mentioned. John 11 tells about the death and raising of Lazarus. In John 12 (and also parts of the story are in Matthew 26 and Mark14, Mary anoints the feet of Jesus.
Jesus and several others were visiting Mary and Martha in their home. Martha was very busy preparing and serving the meal while Mary was sitting listening to Jesus’ teaching. Martha complained openly to Jesus that Mary wasn’t helping. This Luke story is a great example of sisterly relationships and how they can be strained.
John Macarthur brings out some clear observations about Mary. She had traits that included: worship, gratitude, she was consumed with Christ, oblivious of anything other than Him when he was around and she portrayed being perceptive of the political stress on Jesus.
Martha also was a devoted Servant, however, she stopped listening to Christ. Her perspective became self-centered and she watched Mary with a critical eye. Perhaps she harbored some bitterness against her younger sister. And then, her patience snapped. If you go back and read this account in Luke, you can read the loving but firm response Jesus gave her in correction.
Martha is mentioned later in John 12 in another hosting incident and seems to have learned the ability to serve with a loving spirit. It's as if God gave her a chance to be mentioned again later on in the Bible to redeem herself and to show that she could change perhaps.
Macarthur describes an additional lesson from this story that the priority of worship is over that of service. And, that the priority of faith is over works.
Here is the patience and long-suffer presentation for this lesson if you would like to use it.
Session 2 - Demo, Hair Trim
Three baby dolls volunteered to have a hair trim for the recent Good Things Women’s Ministry demonstration portion of the session. The Precious Moments’ baby doll with curly brown hair was especially good to show how to trim a big springy lock. A skinny 18” rock-n-roll doll with long straight hair down to her knees was the next volunteer and helped demonstrate how to create bangs. The last baby doll was a cuddly thing with thin hair.
Fortunately, Courtney, with long brown hair and a nice wave, happened to need her bangs trimmed. Courtney has a kindergardener boy, a set of twins and is PG with her next one due in April. So between not having extra time and extra change, the opportunity presented itself to her for a quick trim and she took it.
I was the demonstrator for this session and have cut and trimmed hair since college trying to make ends meet. I have probably saved my family thousands of dollars in home cuts over the 27 years + of raising my kids who are now between 19 and 27.
I previously spent some time, however, consulting with Butch, a professional hair dresser who attends our church. She and I huddled together in the ladies bathroom one Sunday morning at church before the noisy busi-ness distracted us. She walked me through the best way to demonstrate a hair trim. She had brought her scissors and comb and so then wetted her curly bangs right there at the sink so I could “practice” on her. I suddenly felt the confidence that she expressed in me flow through the plastic comb and into my fingers as she handed it over. After cutting her bangs, I was reassured that I was now ready to demonstrate at our Good Things with ease.
I wrapped Courtney in the black haircutting cape and secured it with the Velcro closure in back. And, just like Butch reminded me, I wetted the front of her hair by dipping my comb into a glass of water and pulling it through her bangs.
Annette was our volunteer as an attendant to the Rock-n-Roll doll and mimicked the same strokes that I used with Courtney on the doll. She was having a hard time holding this tall doll and pulling the comb through her bangs so Betty Lou helped her hold the doll. Good grief, you’d think the doll was rebelling as they held her still.
Courtney’s bangs were shaped in an arch around her face and had grown to the bottom of her eyebrows. I combed out her wet bangs and following the same shape of the arch, I trimmed a half inch all the way around the shape, being careful not to clip the eyebrows. (Wouldn’t that be terrible? To cut gashes in the eyebrows where the bangs overlapped?)
Annette and Betty Lou, however, were having troubles with their responsibility on the other side of the table. First of all, Rock-n-Roll girl had plastic hair and it was swooped up and back and was all different lengths. The two women had a hard time of it just getting the comb through the bangs. But they finally succeeded amidst a bunch of giggling. They drew the long hair over the doll’s face and trimmed it down to its eyes. Which of course, the hair then flew up over the doll’s head as if it were possessed. This brought another gaggle of giggling from the entire group.
Certainly not to be distracted from working with my live client, I then pulled small sections of the bangs down and out and made cuts to the bang at a straight up angle. This gave the edge of Courtney’s bangs a slight layer to them. With each new section of the bangs, I included a bit of the lock I just cut to hold in the same position and make sure were cut at the same length and angle as the previous section. I continued around, still following the curve of the arch within the layered angle.
Rock-n-Roll girl doll was getting equal treatment. With Betty Lou holding her legs (now isn’t that just what we always have to do with those rock-n-roll girls?) and Annette doing the trim they layered the freshly cut bangs on the doll. They did a terrific job although you could now call the doll “Spike” and she would now probably sing punk rock.
I demonstrated without cutting that if I wanted to give a deeper cut to the layer, I would hold the locks of hair out horitzontal and then make a cut straight up. The same method could be made to a full hair trim if you wanted to.
Smaller locks of hair are trimmed in each section if the person has thin hair. The cuddly baby doll was a good example of this. If the hair dresser had too full of a lock, the trim would be uneven when it layed back in its natural place.
For curly hair and where curly hair is the preferred style, many hair dressers trim the hair when dry. This way they can see where the curls lay naturally when dry. Also, the curls are usually different sizes so if cut wet then let dry, the hair may look different lengths. Demonstrating on our Precious Moments doll, I showed how to find the beginning of a full encircled curl and where to cut at the top of the curl. If curly hair is just blown dry for a straight hair style, then the same method for wetting the hair and cutting can be used.
The hair trim session went over well and several women said they were grateful that this was shown as they had small children who were constantly in need of a trim. With money tight in most households, this is a good skill to learn.
It was a couple of days later that Courtney told me that she had trimmed her Mom’s hair using the same principle of trimming then layering with her bangs. She said it turned out well and that her Mom was happy with it. Now isn’t that neat?
Fortunately, Courtney, with long brown hair and a nice wave, happened to need her bangs trimmed. Courtney has a kindergardener boy, a set of twins and is PG with her next one due in April. So between not having extra time and extra change, the opportunity presented itself to her for a quick trim and she took it.
I was the demonstrator for this session and have cut and trimmed hair since college trying to make ends meet. I have probably saved my family thousands of dollars in home cuts over the 27 years + of raising my kids who are now between 19 and 27.
I previously spent some time, however, consulting with Butch, a professional hair dresser who attends our church. She and I huddled together in the ladies bathroom one Sunday morning at church before the noisy busi-ness distracted us. She walked me through the best way to demonstrate a hair trim. She had brought her scissors and comb and so then wetted her curly bangs right there at the sink so I could “practice” on her. I suddenly felt the confidence that she expressed in me flow through the plastic comb and into my fingers as she handed it over. After cutting her bangs, I was reassured that I was now ready to demonstrate at our Good Things with ease.
I wrapped Courtney in the black haircutting cape and secured it with the Velcro closure in back. And, just like Butch reminded me, I wetted the front of her hair by dipping my comb into a glass of water and pulling it through her bangs.
Annette was our volunteer as an attendant to the Rock-n-Roll doll and mimicked the same strokes that I used with Courtney on the doll. She was having a hard time holding this tall doll and pulling the comb through her bangs so Betty Lou helped her hold the doll. Good grief, you’d think the doll was rebelling as they held her still.
Courtney’s bangs were shaped in an arch around her face and had grown to the bottom of her eyebrows. I combed out her wet bangs and following the same shape of the arch, I trimmed a half inch all the way around the shape, being careful not to clip the eyebrows. (Wouldn’t that be terrible? To cut gashes in the eyebrows where the bangs overlapped?)
Annette and Betty Lou, however, were having troubles with their responsibility on the other side of the table. First of all, Rock-n-Roll girl had plastic hair and it was swooped up and back and was all different lengths. The two women had a hard time of it just getting the comb through the bangs. But they finally succeeded amidst a bunch of giggling. They drew the long hair over the doll’s face and trimmed it down to its eyes. Which of course, the hair then flew up over the doll’s head as if it were possessed. This brought another gaggle of giggling from the entire group.
Certainly not to be distracted from working with my live client, I then pulled small sections of the bangs down and out and made cuts to the bang at a straight up angle. This gave the edge of Courtney’s bangs a slight layer to them. With each new section of the bangs, I included a bit of the lock I just cut to hold in the same position and make sure were cut at the same length and angle as the previous section. I continued around, still following the curve of the arch within the layered angle.
Rock-n-Roll girl doll was getting equal treatment. With Betty Lou holding her legs (now isn’t that just what we always have to do with those rock-n-roll girls?) and Annette doing the trim they layered the freshly cut bangs on the doll. They did a terrific job although you could now call the doll “Spike” and she would now probably sing punk rock.
I demonstrated without cutting that if I wanted to give a deeper cut to the layer, I would hold the locks of hair out horitzontal and then make a cut straight up. The same method could be made to a full hair trim if you wanted to.
Smaller locks of hair are trimmed in each section if the person has thin hair. The cuddly baby doll was a good example of this. If the hair dresser had too full of a lock, the trim would be uneven when it layed back in its natural place.
For curly hair and where curly hair is the preferred style, many hair dressers trim the hair when dry. This way they can see where the curls lay naturally when dry. Also, the curls are usually different sizes so if cut wet then let dry, the hair may look different lengths. Demonstrating on our Precious Moments doll, I showed how to find the beginning of a full encircled curl and where to cut at the top of the curl. If curly hair is just blown dry for a straight hair style, then the same method for wetting the hair and cutting can be used.
The hair trim session went over well and several women said they were grateful that this was shown as they had small children who were constantly in need of a trim. With money tight in most households, this is a good skill to learn.
It was a couple of days later that Courtney told me that she had trimmed her Mom’s hair using the same principle of trimming then layering with her bangs. She said it turned out well and that her Mom was happy with it. Now isn’t that neat?
Session 1 - Group Activity, Role Playing
The last activity before breaking for prayer was to do some role-playing and practise some of the lessons learned in this session. I set two chairs angled toward each other in front of the group where all could see. I asked for volunteers and got several. But, then, I just selected certain women who I knew would have interesting characters to act out. I gave them each a story to portray that I'd previously scripted out. Here's a copy of the scripts if you'd like to use it: Manage your Mouth, Role Playing.
Jackie and Ann came up and portrayed two friends chatting about their day. Jackie's role was to be a complainer and Ann's job was to change the subject without offending Jackie because she was in a hurry. Jackie made up a good story about how the kids were bad, she stuck at a railroad crossing, was late for work, and on and on and on. Ann's first tactic was to say she needed to use the bathroom. In some cases, this will work and the topic automatically changes when you get back. However, since Jackie was assigned to complain, she started right back in where she left off. That was rather humorous since then Ann had to come up with another way to. It was a good effort by both.
Monica and her sister Karen came in front of the group. Monica's job was to complain about the out-patient procedure she had on her big toe. She did a great job at this and got into some real gushy details that made all the women remember their own experience at an out-patient appointment. Karen was to be a good listener but then to make every attempt to tell her own story about her root canal at the dentist. Karen interjected several really good sentences like "Oh, that sounds terrible. Let me tell you about . . . ." Monica, not to be dissuaded from telling her own story, talked right over Karen and kept on about the swelling appendage. What a great example (Monica is the older sister after all). Karen tried twice more by empathizing with Monica and then changing the subject and was a great example on how to move the conversation along. Kare was working to be sensitive to Monica and you could tell that was real empathy in her voice. She also took the tact to be factual rather than emphatic in her replies, also a very good way to diffuse a talker. It was quite funny to watch these sisters interact but they did such a good job that we thought for sure their relationship was a solid one even outside of the role-laying.
Jackie and Ann came up and portrayed two friends chatting about their day. Jackie's role was to be a complainer and Ann's job was to change the subject without offending Jackie because she was in a hurry. Jackie made up a good story about how the kids were bad, she stuck at a railroad crossing, was late for work, and on and on and on. Ann's first tactic was to say she needed to use the bathroom. In some cases, this will work and the topic automatically changes when you get back. However, since Jackie was assigned to complain, she started right back in where she left off. That was rather humorous since then Ann had to come up with another way to. It was a good effort by both.
Monica and her sister Karen came in front of the group. Monica's job was to complain about the out-patient procedure she had on her big toe. She did a great job at this and got into some real gushy details that made all the women remember their own experience at an out-patient appointment. Karen was to be a good listener but then to make every attempt to tell her own story about her root canal at the dentist. Karen interjected several really good sentences like "Oh, that sounds terrible. Let me tell you about . . . ." Monica, not to be dissuaded from telling her own story, talked right over Karen and kept on about the swelling appendage. What a great example (Monica is the older sister after all). Karen tried twice more by empathizing with Monica and then changing the subject and was a great example on how to move the conversation along. Kare was working to be sensitive to Monica and you could tell that was real empathy in her voice. She also took the tact to be factual rather than emphatic in her replies, also a very good way to diffuse a talker. It was quite funny to watch these sisters interact but they did such a good job that we thought for sure their relationship was a solid one even outside of the role-laying.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Session 1 - Personal Story, The Borrowed Cake Pan
Marjorie and Stacey shared a pretend example about how to keep a simple situation from exploding into a hot topic on the gossip chain.
Let's say, in this fictional story, that Stacey borrowed a cake pan from Marjorie on Sunday the 1st of the month. Marjorie needs the pan on the 28th for a special event and so was fine to loan it out for a bit. Well, the 8th rolls by, and no pan from Stacey. The 15th rolls by, and still, no pan or word from Stacey, although they said 'hello' at the Sunday morning church service. At this point, Marjorie is getting a little concerned. She wonders, "what am I going to do? I need that pan".
Some options to this pretend story are:
Scenario One:
Let's say, in this fictional story, that Stacey borrowed a cake pan from Marjorie on Sunday the 1st of the month. Marjorie needs the pan on the 28th for a special event and so was fine to loan it out for a bit. Well, the 8th rolls by, and no pan from Stacey. The 15th rolls by, and still, no pan or word from Stacey, although they said 'hello' at the Sunday morning church service. At this point, Marjorie is getting a little concerned. She wonders, "what am I going to do? I need that pan".
Some options to this pretend story are:
Scenario One:
- Stacey forgets who she borrowed the cake plan from.
- Marjorie calls Doris and complains about the fact that Stacey still has her cake pan.
- Marjorie calls the head of the prayer chain to ask for prayer so Stacey returns her cake pan.
- Doris calls the head of the prayer chain to ask that Marjorie will have the means to buy a new cake pan.
- Courtney, who is on the prayer chain, calls Stacey to ask why she's being mean to Marjorie
- Stacey has totally forgotten about the cake pan
- Marjorie gives Stacey the cold shoulder at church
- At the next church potluck, Marjorie "borrows" Stacey's salad bowl without telling her
- Stacey saw Majorie take her salad bowl and is hurt
- Stacey decides to leave the church if this is how they treat you
- Stacey calls Courtney and says "Girlfriend, do you know what that Marjorie did to me?"
Scenario Three:
- Marjorie is concerned that Stacey has forgotten
- Marjorie calls Stacey and asks" could I borrow that cake pan back that I loaned you? I need it this week."
- Stacey is relieved that Marjorie called, since she forgot who she borrowed it from
Obviously, the third scenario is the best solution. It's clear that communicating directly with that person should be the first action. In this lesson, the point is to stop the gossip before it starts.
We can laugh about this example of a cake pan, but we know that conflict can be simple or serious. Contacting the person with a spirit of love and with intention of building unity is the goal. We have likely seen numerous examples of church people that don't get along.. It could be because in 1964, they chose the green carpet and not the brown. Or, the time when the music was too modern and not enough hymns were played. Yes, for sure. Those situations will really stick in your craw and could fester for years.
It is at this point in the conversation during the Good Things ministry day that others in the group asked questions. Becky suggested that one of the other best things to do is to first talk to God about the situation before doing anything. When you are in a tough situation and you don't want to damage a relationship, stop and pray about it. Rather than pick up the phone to talk to someone, have you already picked up your wireless connection to God? Good point. Thanks Becky.
Courtney, the real one, interjected a good idea too. If Marjorie was a new Christian or a new attendee at the church and didn't know Stacey very well, Courtney asked whether or not it woudl be ok for Marjorie to ask so advice from someone in the church. Would this be considered gossip? Marjorie, the real one, answered this question that, yes, if you are not sure how someone will respond, or you suspect they will become defensive, then seeking advice from a Spiritual woman/leader on how to approach so-and-so is a good thing to do. Making sure, however, that the conversation didn't turn to complaining or just for the affect to obtain attention.
Note that I weaved the "prayer chain" into this posting to emphasize the wrong use of a prayer chain. Be careful that those chains don't turn into gossip chains.
Session 1 - Personal Story, Hot Discussions
Continuing on with the day's theme of managing our mouths, Marjorie talked a bit about her experience with handling difficult conversations.
Her best advice was to walk away. Even in her family of 6 adult children, she reports that there are few arguments. However, there are some individuals in her family who like to debate and have interactive argumentative conversations. Marjorie said that what these situations come up, she is uncomfortable with them because she is not the type of person who likes to debate. She understands that others are not like that and at first, she felt this was a sign of contention in the family. However, she described how she has learned to understand that this is the nature of these personalities and that they enjoy this type of interaction. So, when the conversation gets too heated, she just walks out of the room.
Not a bad idea, Marjorie. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, and it doesn't focus on something you are involved in or a topic you are responsible to, let yourself out of the conversation. Give yourself permission.
This raises a good example, however, of how to let others be who they are. Marjorie could have chosen to let herself get angry and perhaps retaliate in some way. Or, had she confronted the individuals on their behavior as if it were "wrong", they may not have understood her intentions. It's so easy to take certain people off our friendship list because they have a different personality style than ours.
It's OK to be different. It's not OK to let that difference cause a sinful response in yourself.
Her best advice was to walk away. Even in her family of 6 adult children, she reports that there are few arguments. However, there are some individuals in her family who like to debate and have interactive argumentative conversations. Marjorie said that what these situations come up, she is uncomfortable with them because she is not the type of person who likes to debate. She understands that others are not like that and at first, she felt this was a sign of contention in the family. However, she described how she has learned to understand that this is the nature of these personalities and that they enjoy this type of interaction. So, when the conversation gets too heated, she just walks out of the room.
Not a bad idea, Marjorie. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, and it doesn't focus on something you are involved in or a topic you are responsible to, let yourself out of the conversation. Give yourself permission.
This raises a good example, however, of how to let others be who they are. Marjorie could have chosen to let herself get angry and perhaps retaliate in some way. Or, had she confronted the individuals on their behavior as if it were "wrong", they may not have understood her intentions. It's so easy to take certain people off our friendship list because they have a different personality style than ours.
It's OK to be different. It's not OK to let that difference cause a sinful response in yourself.
Chili Cheese Egg Puff
From the kitchen of: Jen B
This was a very yummy breakfast item at the Good Things ministry day.
Several of the women have been asking for it. Enjoy.
Ingredients
10 eggs
1/2 C flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp salt
1 pint creamed small curd cottage cheese
1 lb Jack cheese (shredded)
1/2 C butter (melted)
1 (one) 7oz can Ortega diced green chiles
4 jalapenos (diced)
Instructions:
In bowl, beat eggs until light and fluffy. Add flour, baking powder, salt, cottage cheese, Jack cheese, and melted butter, blending smoothly. Stir in chiles and peppers. Pour mixture into buttered 9x13 glass pan. Bake 30-35 minutes @ 350 degrees.
This was a very yummy breakfast item at the Good Things ministry day.
Several of the women have been asking for it. Enjoy.
Ingredients
10 eggs
1/2 C flour
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp salt
1 pint creamed small curd cottage cheese
1 lb Jack cheese (shredded)
1/2 C butter (melted)
1 (one) 7oz can Ortega diced green chiles
4 jalapenos (diced)
Instructions:
In bowl, beat eggs until light and fluffy. Add flour, baking powder, salt, cottage cheese, Jack cheese, and melted butter, blending smoothly. Stir in chiles and peppers. Pour mixture into buttered 9x13 glass pan. Bake 30-35 minutes @ 350 degrees.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Session 1 - Lesson, Gossip and Complaining
Sometimes when we are talking with a friend, she/he can go off on a tangent and talk on-and-on-and-on about someone who did something wrong. It's so hard to get out of that negative conversation. And, without offending the person you are talking to. But, neither do we want to listen to it.
There are two Biblical principles we can draw from. One example is to change the subject and can be seen in how Jesus handled the Pharisees in John 8:4-8. Jesus was constantly being heckled and confronted by these Jewish spiritual leaders as they tried to find fault with Him and get Jesus to do something against the Jewish Law. In this example, Jesus changed the subject with a question which changed the focus from being on his actions, to focusing on the Pharisees. I've always been personally interested in this example since Jesus stooped down to write on the ground with his finger while they were talking. And, the Pharisees continued to complain. Finally, Jesus stood up, asked a question, and bent back down again. The Bible doesn't tell us why, but it sure was an interesting observation on John's part.
Another method is to walk away. We take our Biblical principle from 1 Cor 5:9-11 which talks about not associating with even a Christian believer if they are immoral, greedy, idolaters, slanderers, drunkerds or swindlers. We placed more emphasis on "slanderers" in our lesson.
Both methods require discretion because you don't necessarily want to offend the person speaking. Even when you confront, which we will have a lesson on in the future, you don't want to close off the relationship so that you never speak again.
Here are some examples to shut the gossip and complaining down that may be useful to you.
Change the Subject:
Step 1 - Empathize
Step 2 - Interject a new topic or ask a question.
Examples:
There are two Biblical principles we can draw from. One example is to change the subject and can be seen in how Jesus handled the Pharisees in John 8:4-8. Jesus was constantly being heckled and confronted by these Jewish spiritual leaders as they tried to find fault with Him and get Jesus to do something against the Jewish Law. In this example, Jesus changed the subject with a question which changed the focus from being on his actions, to focusing on the Pharisees. I've always been personally interested in this example since Jesus stooped down to write on the ground with his finger while they were talking. And, the Pharisees continued to complain. Finally, Jesus stood up, asked a question, and bent back down again. The Bible doesn't tell us why, but it sure was an interesting observation on John's part.
Another method is to walk away. We take our Biblical principle from 1 Cor 5:9-11 which talks about not associating with even a Christian believer if they are immoral, greedy, idolaters, slanderers, drunkerds or swindlers. We placed more emphasis on "slanderers" in our lesson.
Both methods require discretion because you don't necessarily want to offend the person speaking. Even when you confront, which we will have a lesson on in the future, you don't want to close off the relationship so that you never speak again.
Here are some examples to shut the gossip and complaining down that may be useful to you.
Change the Subject:
Step 1 - Empathize
Step 2 - Interject a new topic or ask a question.
Examples:
- I'm sorry, that's not been my experience with her. Have you seen . . . .
- I don't know her, so I couldn't comment. Did you get all the notes . . .
- I'm sorry that happened to you. Did you know that you could cut up a chicken?
- I wish I could help, but I can't. I love your new . . . .
- Could you tell me more about . . . . (without responding to the complaint, wait a moment to interject, then ask a direct question)
Walk Away:
Step 1 - Excuse Yourself
Step 2 - Walk away
Examples:
- I'm sorry, I have to be somewhere. (anywhere but here)
- Would you excuse me? I need to step away.
- I'm sorry, I don't need to hear this.
- Walk away. If you are on the fringe of a group of women, no need to excuse yourself.
- I have a commitment and need to step away.
Remember though, no lying is allowed. Also, don't feel the need to explain unless they ask. If they do, then you have an opportunity to share. Go ahead and tell them that you are uncomfortable with this conversation. "I am uncomfortable with this topic and need to step away", could be an opener. Practice these sample sentences out loud or in your head until it sounds right to you and so that you are ready with a clear statement when the need arises. Just make sure no one is listening if you are practicing out loud, yikes.
Notice that the examples above start with "I . . . .". When communicating a message that may be considered controversial or offensive, you want to say it in a way that is easy for the receiver to listen to it. Starting the sentence with "I", allows this to happen. For example, a sentence with "You are talking about . . . ." can so easily be interpreted as confrontational. So, starting your sentence with "I", puts the focus on how you feel or how you are perceiving what's going on. No one can question you on what you are perceiving. It is your perception after all and you own it.
There are other ways to confront the speaker if your intention is to correct the behaviour. But, that lesson is in a future session and should be applied with much discretion.
Session 1 - Lesson, Communication basics
Our first lesson was about how to Manage our Mouths. We first read James 3, the whole chapter, to refresh us of what the Biblical principle was to managing what we say. This Scripture talks about how our little tongues control what happens to the whole body in the same way that a small rudder controls a ship, a bridle controls a horse, or a small flame starts a huge fire.
I was the lesson teacher on this Saturday and drew from my education of communications classes. I used a presentation software to create presentation slides and audience handouts and described the basics of communication.
The root word of communication is "common" and implies that the people communicating have a common understanding. Communication starts with at least two people. One person wants to send a message and that person is the Sender. The Receiver is the person who the message is directed towards. Communication can be created using words, symbols, body language and tone of voice.
SENDER ->>>>> Message ->>>>> RECEIVER
Each message's content is created by the Sender's knowledge based on their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. The Receiver of course has her own basis of frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. Depending on whether the knowledge of the two women are similar, they message may not be understood. So, the Receiver has to confirm that she understood what the message was about by repeating what she understood. The Receiver then becomes a sender in the exchange that occurs.
RECEIVER ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> SENDER
(sender) ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> (receiver)
This is often times the piece that is missing. Communicating is really a cycle of several exchanges between invididuals. Take an example between a husband and wife. The wife asks her husband to find the aqua colored vase in the basement and bring it upstairs. If the husband has not had much luck in finding anything his wife previously asked for from the basement, his eyes may simply glaze over and suddenly he doesn't hear a thing. As soon as he hears "find the", he stops listening. (Yes, I sense that you may have had this experience too). Or, if his mental picture of an aqua vase consists of something green, then, he has not clearly understood the request. Therefore, some type of feedback is needed from the husband.
When I am on the receiving side, I have gotten in the habit of saying "let me repeat what I am hearing, just to make sure I understood you right". This way, I'm sure I got the message.
You can imagine that if the message is being sent to a group of people, the potential for miscommunicating is increased exponentially since they all have their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and various abilities to listen. Therefore, feedback from all is essential to confirm that everyone got the same meaning from the message. This makes group communication more difficult and time consuming.
This basic communications lesson was simple but a nice reminder to all that when we miscommunicate, we may have missed an important part of the process. Reviewing the process also confirmed the method in which we were going to communicate during these monthly gatherings.
I was the lesson teacher on this Saturday and drew from my education of communications classes. I used a presentation software to create presentation slides and audience handouts and described the basics of communication.
The root word of communication is "common" and implies that the people communicating have a common understanding. Communication starts with at least two people. One person wants to send a message and that person is the Sender. The Receiver is the person who the message is directed towards. Communication can be created using words, symbols, body language and tone of voice.
SENDER ->>>>> Message ->>>>> RECEIVER
Each message's content is created by the Sender's knowledge based on their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. The Receiver of course has her own basis of frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. Depending on whether the knowledge of the two women are similar, they message may not be understood. So, the Receiver has to confirm that she understood what the message was about by repeating what she understood. The Receiver then becomes a sender in the exchange that occurs.
RECEIVER ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> SENDER
(sender) ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> (receiver)
This is often times the piece that is missing. Communicating is really a cycle of several exchanges between invididuals. Take an example between a husband and wife. The wife asks her husband to find the aqua colored vase in the basement and bring it upstairs. If the husband has not had much luck in finding anything his wife previously asked for from the basement, his eyes may simply glaze over and suddenly he doesn't hear a thing. As soon as he hears "find the", he stops listening. (Yes, I sense that you may have had this experience too). Or, if his mental picture of an aqua vase consists of something green, then, he has not clearly understood the request. Therefore, some type of feedback is needed from the husband.
When I am on the receiving side, I have gotten in the habit of saying "let me repeat what I am hearing, just to make sure I understood you right". This way, I'm sure I got the message.
You can imagine that if the message is being sent to a group of people, the potential for miscommunicating is increased exponentially since they all have their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and various abilities to listen. Therefore, feedback from all is essential to confirm that everyone got the same meaning from the message. This makes group communication more difficult and time consuming.
This basic communications lesson was simple but a nice reminder to all that when we miscommunicate, we may have missed an important part of the process. Reviewing the process also confirmed the method in which we were going to communicate during these monthly gatherings.
Session 1 - Welcome
What a nice turnout. The first gathering had 24 women who came to my place to learn about Good Things. Martha, our chicken demonstrator, was running a bit late, so I reviewed what "Good Things" was going to be about and how it was based on the interaction implied in Titus 2. Martha arrived, had some coffee, and we got right down to business.
Session 1 - Demo, Cutting up a Chicken
Martha is in her 80’s and came thoroughly prepared to demonstrate her skill at cutting a fresh chicken at our first Good Things gathering. In case you are not familiar with the term “fresh” it means “raw” and it is a whole chicken minus the guts and stuff. She brought three chickens that she hand-selected from what she called the fruit market. I thought it was curious to call the store a “fruit market”, but, it is a small grocery store that she frequents and the term certainly conjures the idea of fresh. Martha grew up during the Great Depression and has cutup and used all parts of what probably amounts to flocks of chickens over the years. She also brought her favorite kitchen knives with her wrapped in a towel.
Veronica, 17, and Sandra, 19, volunteered to “try it as she taught it” and each had one of the chickens Martha provided. The other 21 women crowded around my dining room table to watch what was becoming a bit of entertainment. I had prepared the end of the table and the two side spots with either cutting boards or wax-paper-covered cookies sheets, three aprons and several knives.
Martha pulled the poultry out of a plastic bag and started to teach in an authoritative voice. “Dry off your chicken with a towel so that it’s not slippery.”
Both Veronica and Sandra were given a kitchen towel and dried off the chickens they were handed as best they could. Veronica’s chicken oozed blood each time she moved it around, so she had a little difficulty keeping it dry. From watching, you could see her lips were pressed tightly together, but she did get it mostly wiped down. What a trooper.
Martha continued. First, you cut off the legs. Pull the leg out away from the body and slice down between the leg and ribs until you feel bone. Stretch and bend the leg’s thigh section backward away from the chicken until you hear or feel a “pop”.
Of course, this would be the joint popping out from what would be the chicken’s hip. Sandra apparently had a good feel for what her job was and completed the leg instructions nicely. Veronica struggled though trying to pull the leg away with her more slippery bird. She finally was able to extend the leg out and squeamishly pressed the knife into what looks like the leg-pit area, but the knife couldn’t get through the skin. Martha suggested she press harder and draw the knife across so that it cut into it deeper. Just as Veronica cut through and “popped” the hip joint, she looked up with a horrified face as if she had hurt the poor dead thing. It was becoming humorous and the audience was trying not to laugh too loudly to be a distraction.
They continued to cut through what we would think is the knee-cap of the leg, separating the leg from the thigh. Martha held the two ends of the dangling leg/thigh in one hand and inserted the knife between the two ends, where the knee-cap was positioned at the top. She then cut up from the back of the “knee” to the front, slicing through the knee cap. Some women standing by said they have cut through the tough section of the knee cap first then back, but I’m sure it is all the same.
Sandra had a nice “sawing” action going on and got through the separation. Veronica, still struggling with being shy with the bird and its slipperiness, worked the knife but didn’t get the section cut all the way through. She ended up twisting the leg and thigh into two clumps and then slashing it apart. The other legs were then taken off in a similar fashion. Martha stacked her pieces up off to the side of the working area and Sandra followed suit.
They separated the wing next in about the same way. Martha said she always cuts a nice circle through the skin and into the meat around the shoulder joint of the wing. She said “ this is so you have a nice wing piece,” in essence, giving the wing a little more breast meat. That was a nice idea that several women hadn‘t thought of. Both girls did the cut nicely. However, Martha did that little trick of tying the wing into itself and neither girl got that part right. They finally saw how she flipped the little wing tip backwards behind the large end of the wing joint to keep the wing together in a knot. When done, they both stacked their pieces along with the other extremities. Martha said several times "there you go, you are doing a good job."
They then turned and stood the chicken carcass up on it’s empty neck hole and cut down horizontally between the front and back ribs. They then pulled and opened the front and back sections down until the collar bone cracked. That was a clear sound that several women cringed at.
They cut through the remaining tendons/skin to separate the two pieces. Placing the breast piece rib-side down on the board, Martha showed how to cut down from the breast bone to cut away for two pieces of breast meat. She also demonstrated that you can just press down the breast bone with the heal your palm to break the bones and have one large section of breast meat. As she handled the backribs piece, she explained that this section was real good for boiling and making your own broth. When all was done, Sandra had a nice pile of chicken pieces while Veronica actually had indistinguishable pieces of things on her cutting board. But, it all was going home with Martha, so she would know what to do with it.
Martha also gave advice on where to pickup the best chickens for cutting. “Now, you girls should know to get your frying chickens from somewhere other than from Van’s market. They just have whole chickens to bake and they are too fatty.”
Apparently, Martha refers to cut chicken as “frying chicken“, however, she talked about how she would bake the pieces in different recipes as she demonstrated. Perhaps “frying chicken” is/was a common term for cut chickens since that is how most people used it in her active days.
When asked when she learned to do this , she said, “I learned to cut a chicken from that Julia cook. You know, the one in the movie”, “I bought her book, but I didn’t like it, so I gave it to my daughter.”
This was a fun exercise. The younger women, including 2 teenagers, interacted with the older ones, everyone empathized with the two volunteers, and the whole thing was entertaining.
Veronica, 17, and Sandra, 19, volunteered to “try it as she taught it” and each had one of the chickens Martha provided. The other 21 women crowded around my dining room table to watch what was becoming a bit of entertainment. I had prepared the end of the table and the two side spots with either cutting boards or wax-paper-covered cookies sheets, three aprons and several knives.
Martha pulled the poultry out of a plastic bag and started to teach in an authoritative voice. “Dry off your chicken with a towel so that it’s not slippery.”
Both Veronica and Sandra were given a kitchen towel and dried off the chickens they were handed as best they could. Veronica’s chicken oozed blood each time she moved it around, so she had a little difficulty keeping it dry. From watching, you could see her lips were pressed tightly together, but she did get it mostly wiped down. What a trooper.
Martha continued. First, you cut off the legs. Pull the leg out away from the body and slice down between the leg and ribs until you feel bone. Stretch and bend the leg’s thigh section backward away from the chicken until you hear or feel a “pop”.
Of course, this would be the joint popping out from what would be the chicken’s hip. Sandra apparently had a good feel for what her job was and completed the leg instructions nicely. Veronica struggled though trying to pull the leg away with her more slippery bird. She finally was able to extend the leg out and squeamishly pressed the knife into what looks like the leg-pit area, but the knife couldn’t get through the skin. Martha suggested she press harder and draw the knife across so that it cut into it deeper. Just as Veronica cut through and “popped” the hip joint, she looked up with a horrified face as if she had hurt the poor dead thing. It was becoming humorous and the audience was trying not to laugh too loudly to be a distraction.
They continued to cut through what we would think is the knee-cap of the leg, separating the leg from the thigh. Martha held the two ends of the dangling leg/thigh in one hand and inserted the knife between the two ends, where the knee-cap was positioned at the top. She then cut up from the back of the “knee” to the front, slicing through the knee cap. Some women standing by said they have cut through the tough section of the knee cap first then back, but I’m sure it is all the same.
Sandra had a nice “sawing” action going on and got through the separation. Veronica, still struggling with being shy with the bird and its slipperiness, worked the knife but didn’t get the section cut all the way through. She ended up twisting the leg and thigh into two clumps and then slashing it apart. The other legs were then taken off in a similar fashion. Martha stacked her pieces up off to the side of the working area and Sandra followed suit.
They separated the wing next in about the same way. Martha said she always cuts a nice circle through the skin and into the meat around the shoulder joint of the wing. She said “ this is so you have a nice wing piece,” in essence, giving the wing a little more breast meat. That was a nice idea that several women hadn‘t thought of. Both girls did the cut nicely. However, Martha did that little trick of tying the wing into itself and neither girl got that part right. They finally saw how she flipped the little wing tip backwards behind the large end of the wing joint to keep the wing together in a knot. When done, they both stacked their pieces along with the other extremities. Martha said several times "there you go, you are doing a good job."
They then turned and stood the chicken carcass up on it’s empty neck hole and cut down horizontally between the front and back ribs. They then pulled and opened the front and back sections down until the collar bone cracked. That was a clear sound that several women cringed at.
They cut through the remaining tendons/skin to separate the two pieces. Placing the breast piece rib-side down on the board, Martha showed how to cut down from the breast bone to cut away for two pieces of breast meat. She also demonstrated that you can just press down the breast bone with the heal your palm to break the bones and have one large section of breast meat. As she handled the backribs piece, she explained that this section was real good for boiling and making your own broth. When all was done, Sandra had a nice pile of chicken pieces while Veronica actually had indistinguishable pieces of things on her cutting board. But, it all was going home with Martha, so she would know what to do with it.
Martha also gave advice on where to pickup the best chickens for cutting. “Now, you girls should know to get your frying chickens from somewhere other than from Van’s market. They just have whole chickens to bake and they are too fatty.”
Apparently, Martha refers to cut chicken as “frying chicken“, however, she talked about how she would bake the pieces in different recipes as she demonstrated. Perhaps “frying chicken” is/was a common term for cut chickens since that is how most people used it in her active days.
When asked when she learned to do this , she said, “I learned to cut a chicken from that Julia cook. You know, the one in the movie”, “I bought her book, but I didn’t like it, so I gave it to my daughter.”
This was a fun exercise. The younger women, including 2 teenagers, interacted with the older ones, everyone empathized with the two volunteers, and the whole thing was entertaining.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Welcome to the Good Things Women’s Ministry.
Women have many sources to go to and learn about women’s issues; Oprah, Martha, food programs, famous doctors, etc. Some of the most trusted sources, however, are right in your neighborhood and in your church. In fact, you probably see mentors every week. Plus, you will likely get Biblical answers and examples of good Christian living from them.
I'm talking about the women in your church. Now, I know you are probably conjuring up an image of Mrs. So-and-so, who you don't like, interrupts when you are talking, and is always telling you when your kids are being bad. You and I both know that she is not who I'm talkin' about. The ones I'm referring to are those who are often silent servants. This is a one who has the wisdom and experience to know when to open her mouth and give advice. She could share volumes of how to get along with knuckle-heads, give examples of how to agree to disagree, and even how best to take care of your rhubarb.
I'm talking about the women in your church. Now, I know you are probably conjuring up an image of Mrs. So-and-so, who you don't like, interrupts when you are talking, and is always telling you when your kids are being bad. You and I both know that she is not who I'm talkin' about. The ones I'm referring to are those who are often silent servants. This is a one who has the wisdom and experience to know when to open her mouth and give advice. She could share volumes of how to get along with knuckle-heads, give examples of how to agree to disagree, and even how best to take care of your rhubarb.
She's the one who may or may not be married. But, she has endured and has suffered long with a battle of cancer, an ugly divorce, or a special needs child. Or perhaps she makes the best yummy sandwich in the church. (Mildred, in her 80's, makes absolutely the best chicken salad. I may need to wrestle her to the ground and threaten to take away her Red Hat, however, to get her recipe).
There are women in the church and community who I want to tap into and learn from their experience. And, especially learn from their mistakes if they are willing to share them. These women have a compassion to share because they don't want what's happened to them to happen to you. They are also the ones with calloused camel knees because of the hours of praying they do. These are the ones who are willing to carry your hurts to the One who has the power to heal and forgive. These secrets of life are such good things for us to know and my heart wants to gather the uniqueness of truth before it is no longer available.
I invite you to join us as a new women's ministry rolls out and is modeled on the command in Titus 2 for women to teach women Good Things. This blog will tell about the women and the activities at a monthly gathering. It will reflect an evangelical and conservative audience and views. The women involved will find this a support group and place to come to see how this network of old and young friends share Good Things.
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