Site Meter Good Things Women's Ministry: January 2010
Taken from Titus 2, here is the chance to learn from today's women about "good things",
covering topics from how to handle conflict to showing how to cut up a fresh chicken.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Session 1 - Lesson, Gossip and Complaining

Sometimes when we are talking with a friend, she/he can go off on a tangent and talk on-and-on-and-on about someone who did something wrong. It's so hard to get out of that negative conversation. And, without offending the person you are talking to. But, neither do we want to listen to it.

There are two Biblical principles we can draw from. One example is to change the subject and can be seen in how Jesus handled the Pharisees in John 8:4-8. Jesus was constantly being heckled and confronted by these Jewish spiritual leaders as they tried to find fault with Him and get Jesus to do something against the Jewish Law. In this example, Jesus changed the subject with a question which changed the focus from being on his actions, to focusing on the Pharisees. I've always been personally interested in this example since Jesus stooped down to write on the ground with his finger while they were talking. And, the Pharisees continued to complain. Finally, Jesus stood up, asked a question, and bent back down again. The Bible doesn't tell us why, but it sure was an interesting observation on John's part.

Another method is to walk away. We take our Biblical principle from 1 Cor 5:9-11 which talks about not associating with even a Christian believer if they are immoral, greedy, idolaters, slanderers, drunkerds or swindlers. We placed more emphasis on "slanderers" in our lesson.

Both methods require discretion because you don't necessarily want to offend the person speaking. Even when you confront, which we will have a lesson on in the future, you don't want to close off the relationship so that you never speak again.

Here are some examples to shut the gossip and complaining down that may be useful to you.

Change the Subject:
Step 1 - Empathize
Step 2 - Interject a new topic or ask a question.
Examples:
  • I'm sorry, that's not been my experience with her. Have you seen . . . .
  • I don't know her, so I couldn't comment. Did you get all the notes . . .
  • I'm sorry that happened to you. Did you know that you could cut up a chicken?
  • I wish I could help, but I can't. I love your new . . . .
  • Could you tell me more about . . . . (without responding to the complaint, wait a moment to interject, then ask a direct question)

Walk Away:
Step 1 - Excuse Yourself
Step 2 - Walk away
Examples:

  • I'm sorry, I have to be somewhere. (anywhere but here)
  • Would you excuse me? I need to step away.
  • I'm sorry, I don't need to hear this.
  • Walk away. If you are on the fringe of a group of women, no need to excuse yourself.
  • I have a commitment and need to step away.

Remember though, no lying is allowed. Also, don't feel the need to explain unless they ask. If they do, then you have an opportunity to share. Go ahead and tell them that you are uncomfortable with this conversation. "I am uncomfortable with this topic and need to step away", could be an opener. Practice these sample sentences out loud or in your head until it sounds right to you and so that you are ready with a clear statement when the need arises. Just make sure no one is listening if you are practicing out loud, yikes.

Notice that the examples above start with "I . . . .". When communicating a message that may be considered controversial or offensive, you want to say it in a way that is easy for the receiver to listen to it. Starting the sentence with "I", allows this to happen. For example, a sentence with "You are talking about . . . ." can so easily be interpreted as confrontational. So, starting your sentence with "I", puts the focus on how you feel or how you are perceiving what's going on. No one can question you on what you are perceiving. It is your perception after all and you own it.

There are other ways to confront the speaker if your intention is to correct the behaviour. But, that lesson is in a future session and should be applied with much discretion.

Session 1 - Lesson, Communication basics

Our first lesson was about how to Manage our Mouths. We first read James 3, the whole chapter, to refresh us of what the Biblical principle was to managing what we say. This Scripture talks about how our little tongues control what happens to the whole body in the same way that a small rudder controls a ship, a bridle controls a horse, or a small flame starts a huge fire.

I was the lesson teacher on this Saturday and drew from my education of communications classes. I used a presentation software to create presentation slides and audience handouts and described the basics of communication.

The root word of communication is "common" and implies that the people communicating have a common understanding. Communication starts with at least two people. One person wants to send a message and that person is the Sender. The Receiver is the person who the message is directed towards. Communication can be created using words, symbols, body language and tone of voice.


SENDER ->>>>> Message ->>>>> RECEIVER

Each message's content is created by the Sender's knowledge based on their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. The Receiver of course has her own basis of frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and ability to listen. Depending on whether the knowledge of the two women are similar, they message may not be understood. So, the Receiver has to confirm that she understood what the message was about by repeating what she understood. The Receiver then becomes a sender in the exchange that occurs.

RECEIVER ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> SENDER
(sender) ->>>>> Confirming Message ->>>>> (receiver)

This is often times the piece that is missing. Communicating is really a cycle of several exchanges between invididuals. Take an example between a husband and wife. The wife asks her husband to find the aqua colored vase in the basement and bring it upstairs. If the husband has not had much luck in finding anything his wife previously asked for from the basement, his eyes may simply glaze over and suddenly he doesn't hear a thing. As soon as he hears "find the", he stops listening. (Yes, I sense that you may have had this experience too). Or, if his mental picture of an aqua vase consists of something green, then, he has not clearly understood the request. Therefore, some type of feedback is needed from the husband.

When I am on the receiving side, I have gotten in the habit of saying "let me repeat what I am hearing, just to make sure I understood you right". This way, I'm sure I got the message.

You can imagine that if the message is being sent to a group of people, the potential for miscommunicating is increased exponentially since they all have their own frame of reference, experience, culture, word usage, values and various abilities to listen. Therefore, feedback from all is essential to confirm that everyone got the same meaning from the message. This makes group communication more difficult and time consuming.

This basic communications lesson was simple but a nice reminder to all that when we miscommunicate, we may have missed an important part of the process. Reviewing the process also confirmed the method in which we were going to communicate during these monthly gatherings.

Session 1 - Welcome

What a nice turnout. The first gathering had 24 women who came to my place to learn about Good Things. Martha, our chicken demonstrator, was running a bit late, so I reviewed what "Good Things" was going to be about and how it was based on the interaction implied in Titus 2. Martha arrived, had some coffee, and we got right down to business.

Session 1 - Demo, Cutting up a Chicken

Martha is in her 80’s and came thoroughly prepared to demonstrate her skill at cutting a fresh chicken at our first Good Things gathering. In case you are not familiar with the term “fresh” it means “raw” and it is a whole chicken minus the guts and stuff. She brought three chickens that she hand-selected from what she called the fruit market. I thought it was curious to call the store a “fruit market”, but, it is a small grocery store that she frequents and the term certainly conjures the idea of fresh. Martha grew up during the Great Depression and has cutup and used all parts of what probably amounts to flocks of chickens over the years. She also brought her favorite kitchen knives with her wrapped in a towel.

Veronica, 17, and Sandra, 19, volunteered to “try it as she taught it” and each had one of the chickens Martha provided. The other 21 women crowded around my dining room table to watch what was becoming a bit of entertainment. I had prepared the end of the table and the two side spots with either cutting boards or wax-paper-covered cookies sheets, three aprons and several knives.

Martha pulled the poultry out of a plastic bag and started to teach in an authoritative voice. “Dry off your chicken with a towel so that it’s not slippery.”

Both Veronica and Sandra were given a kitchen towel and dried off the chickens they were handed as best they could. Veronica’s chicken oozed blood each time she moved it around, so she had a little difficulty keeping it dry. From watching, you could see her lips were pressed tightly together, but she did get it mostly wiped down. What a trooper.

Martha continued. First, you cut off the legs. Pull the leg out away from the body and slice down between the leg and ribs until you feel bone. Stretch and bend the leg’s thigh section backward away from the chicken until you hear or feel a “pop”.

Of course, this would be the joint popping out from what would be the chicken’s hip. Sandra apparently had a good feel for what her job was and completed the leg instructions nicely. Veronica struggled though trying to pull the leg away with her more slippery bird. She finally was able to extend the leg out and squeamishly pressed the knife into what looks like the leg-pit area, but the knife couldn’t get through the skin. Martha suggested she press harder and draw the knife across so that it cut into it deeper. Just as Veronica cut through and “popped” the hip joint, she looked up with a horrified face as if she had hurt the poor dead thing. It was becoming humorous and the audience was trying not to laugh too loudly to be a distraction.

They continued to cut through what we would think is the knee-cap of the leg, separating the leg from the thigh. Martha held the two ends of the dangling leg/thigh in one hand and inserted the knife between the two ends, where the knee-cap was positioned at the top. She then cut up from the back of the “knee” to the front, slicing through the knee cap. Some women standing by said they have cut through the tough section of the knee cap first then back, but I’m sure it is all the same.

Sandra had a nice “sawing” action going on and got through the separation. Veronica, still struggling with being shy with the bird and its slipperiness, worked the knife but didn’t get the section cut all the way through. She ended up twisting the leg and thigh into two clumps and then slashing it apart. The other legs were then taken off in a similar fashion. Martha stacked her pieces up off to the side of the working area and Sandra followed suit.

They separated the wing next in about the same way. Martha said she always cuts a nice circle through the skin and into the meat around the shoulder joint of the wing. She said “ this is so you have a nice wing piece,” in essence, giving the wing a little more breast meat. That was a nice idea that several women hadn‘t thought of. Both girls did the cut nicely. However, Martha did that little trick of tying the wing into itself and neither girl got that part right. They finally saw how she flipped the little wing tip backwards behind the large end of the wing joint to keep the wing together in a knot. When done, they both stacked their pieces along with the other extremities. Martha said several times "there you go, you are doing a good job."

They then turned and stood the chicken carcass up on it’s empty neck hole and cut down horizontally between the front and back ribs. They then pulled and opened the front and back sections down until the collar bone cracked. That was a clear sound that several women cringed at.

They cut through the remaining tendons/skin to separate the two pieces. Placing the breast piece rib-side down on the board, Martha showed how to cut down from the breast bone to cut away for two pieces of breast meat. She also demonstrated that you can just press down the breast bone with the heal your palm to break the bones and have one large section of breast meat. As she handled the backribs piece, she explained that this section was real good for boiling and making your own broth. When all was done, Sandra had a nice pile of chicken pieces while Veronica actually had indistinguishable pieces of things on her cutting board. But, it all was going home with Martha, so she would know what to do with it.

Martha also gave advice on where to pickup the best chickens for cutting. “Now, you girls should know to get your frying chickens from somewhere other than from Van’s market. They just have whole chickens to bake and they are too fatty.”

Apparently, Martha refers to cut chicken as “frying chicken“, however, she talked about how she would bake the pieces in different recipes as she demonstrated. Perhaps “frying chicken” is/was a common term for cut chickens since that is how most people used it in her active days.
When asked when she learned to do this , she said, “I learned to cut a chicken from that Julia cook. You know, the one in the movie”, “I bought her book, but I didn’t like it, so I gave it to my daughter.”


This was a fun exercise. The younger women, including 2 teenagers, interacted with the older ones, everyone empathized with the two volunteers, and the whole thing was entertaining.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Welcome to the Good Things Women’s Ministry.

Women have many sources to go to and learn about women’s issues; Oprah, Martha, food programs, famous doctors, etc. Some of the most trusted sources, however, are right in your neighborhood and in your church. In fact, you probably see mentors every week. Plus, you will likely get Biblical answers and examples of good Christian living from them.

I'm talking about the women in your church. Now, I know you are probably conjuring up an image of Mrs. So-and-so, who you don't like, interrupts when you are talking, and is always telling you when your kids are being bad. You and I both know that she is not who I'm talkin' about. The ones I'm referring to are those who are often silent servants. This is a one who has the wisdom and experience to know when to open her mouth and give advice. She could share volumes of how to get along with knuckle-heads, give examples of how to agree to disagree, and even how best to take care of your rhubarb.

She's the one who may or may not be married. But, she has endured and has suffered long with a battle of cancer, an ugly divorce, or a special needs child. Or perhaps she makes the best yummy sandwich in the church. (Mildred, in her 80's, makes absolutely the best chicken salad. I may need to wrestle her to the ground and threaten to take away her Red Hat, however, to get her recipe).

There are women in the church and community who I want to tap into and learn from their experience. And, especially learn from their mistakes if they are willing to share them. These women have a compassion to share because they don't want what's happened to them to happen to you. They are also the ones with calloused camel knees because of the hours of praying they do. These are the ones who are willing to carry your hurts to the One who has the power to heal and forgive. These secrets of life are such good things for us to know and my heart wants to gather the uniqueness of truth before it is no longer available.

I invite you to join us as a new women's ministry rolls out and is modeled on the command in Titus 2 for women to teach women Good Things. This blog will tell about the women and the activities at a monthly gathering. It will reflect an evangelical and conservative audience and views. The women involved will find this a support group and place to come to see how this network of old and young friends share Good Things.