Session 1 - Personal Story, The Borrowed Cake Pan

Marjorie and Stacey shared a pretend example about how to keep a simple situation from exploding into a hot topic on the gossip chain.

Let's say, in this fictional story, that Stacey borrowed a cake pan from Marjorie on Sunday the 1st of the month. Marjorie needs the pan on the 28th for a special event and so was fine to loan it out for a bit. Well, the 8th rolls by, and no pan from Stacey. The 15th rolls by, and still, no pan or word from Stacey, although they said 'hello' at the Sunday morning church service. At this point, Marjorie is getting a little concerned. She wonders, "what am I going to do? I need that pan".

Some options to this pretend story are:
Scenario One:

• Stacey forgets who she borrowed the cake plan from.
• Marjorie calls Doris and complains about the fact that Stacey still has her cake pan.
• Marjorie calls the head of the prayer chain to ask for prayer so Stacey returns her cake pan.
• Doris calls the head of the prayer chain to ask that Marjorie will have the means to buy a new cake pan.
• Courtney, who is on the prayer chain, calls Stacey to ask why she's being mean to Marjorie

Scenario Two:

• Stacey has totally forgotten about the cake pan
• Marjorie gives Stacey the cold shoulder at church
• At the next church potluck, Marjorie "borrows" Stacey's salad bowl without telling her
• Stacey saw Majorie take her salad bowl and is hurt
• Stacey decides to leave the church if this is how they treat you
• Stacey calls Courtney and says "Girlfriend, do you know what that Marjorie did to me?"

Scenario Three:

• Marjorie is concerned that Stacey has forgotten
• Marjorie calls Stacey and asks" could I borrow that cake pan back that I loaned you? I need it this week."
• Stacey is relieved that Marjorie called, since she forgot who she borrowed it from

Obviously, the third scenario is the best solution. It's clear that communicating directly with that person should be the first action. In this lesson, the point is to stop the gossip before it starts.

We can laugh about this example of a cake pan, but we know that conflict can be simple or serious. Contacting the person with a spirit of love and with intention of building unity is the goal. We have likely seen numerous examples of church people that don't get along.. It could be because in 1964, they chose the green carpet and not the brown. Or, the time when the music was too modern and not enough hymns were played. Yes, for sure. Those situations will really stick in your craw and could fester for years.

It is at this point in the conversation during the Good Things ministry day that others in the group asked questions. Becky suggested that one of the other best things to do is to first talk to God about the situation before doing anything. When you are in a tough situation and you don't want to damage a relationship, stop and pray about it. Rather than pick up the phone to talk to someone, have you already picked up your wireless connection to God? Good point. Thanks Becky.

Courtney, the real one, interjected a good idea too. If Marjorie was a new Christian or a new attendee at the church and didn't know Stacey very well, Courtney asked whether or not it woudl be ok for Marjorie to ask so advice from someone in the church. Would this be considered gossip? Marjorie, the real one, answered this question that, yes, if you are not sure how someone will respond, or you suspect they will become defensive, then seeking advice from a Spiritual woman/leader on how to approach so-and-so is a good thing to do. Making sure, however, that the conversation didn't turn to complaining or just for the affect to obtain attention.

Note that I weaved the "prayer chain" into this posting to emphasize the wrong use of a prayer chain. Be careful that those chains don't turn into gossip chains.