Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 5

"That next July, we went on vacation with a pop-up camper. We left for a trip to Washington, DC to see Ed's younger brother who was in the Air Force and working at the Pentagon. I stepped out of the trailer about our second night out and sprained my ankle very bad. I went to the hospital, had an x-ray, and was told to stay off it. Well, we went on to DC and I hobbled around sight-seeing for one day. Then I decided I couldn't do that much walking after all.

"One afternoon they took the kids to the movies and Ed and his brother went to the "Officer's Club" where he started drinking. "I felt like my world had fallen apart when they came home to the camper. Would I live with a drinking husband again?

"I had developed Phlebitis in my leg with the bad ankle. I had to see a Doctor again and got strict orders to stay in bed for five days and not travel till I saw him again. I did. People in the campground came over to where we were and they were very kind to us.

"Eight months later, we had a healthy baby boy. The kids were now 17, 15, 12 and 8 so I had good help. It was three years later that I had our last boy.

"I was not happy about the idea of another baby and my Ed was still partying. I was 42 when the last one came; but now this baby boy is the is the one with twins of his own and an 8 year-old who are the joy of my life. I thank God for him and ask forgiveness for the way I received the unhappy news of another baby.

"There were many ups and downs for the next few years. My Mother passed in 1977 after 11 difficult months on a feed tube. But, God saw us through. In just a few years Ed found out he had diabetes. It had been passed down through his Mother's side.

"So with this news, he quit drinking and things got better at home. He never really got active in church again, but he repented and made things right with the Lord before he died in 2002.

"God was so good to me and blessed me with grace and patience when I needed it most.

"Just yesterday the Bible verse in my Daily Bread was James 1:2-3, 'My brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.'"

Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 4

"Tragedy struck on December 13, 1965 when our oldest daughter, 15 years and one month, was struck by a car on the interstate expressway and killed instantly. She was five blocks from home and with a few of her friends. Today's expressway is 10 lanes and raised quite a bit off of street level. However in those days it was a four lane highway, on the same level as the residential houses, and with a simple divider in the middle. The wire fence barrier to the expressway was down and she and about three others decided to cross over to the other side. They were only one block away from the overpass, but together waited fro the traffic to slow. She darted out first and I'm not sure if she was wearing her glasses at that time or not. A car swerved to miss her but hit her with the front bumper and threw her body into the other two lanes of traffic.

"I recall that the paper made quite a stink about the fence being down and how that if it had been maintained, the children would not have been out there.

"We were at the dinner table with my Mother when we got the call. We left immediately to the expressway.

"I felt God's presence there with me, felt Him holding me, and He said to my heart, 'I'll see you through this.' It was amazing how we all felt His loving comfort. I was so thankful for a Christian husband to share and be comforted with together. Our Christian Fellowship church family was wonderful.

The most comforting thing was finding the Bible Polly had won for attendance under her bed along with her school work. In the front she had written the date that she herself had accepted Jesus as her Savior. I then knew that Polly was with Him.

I wish I knew more about what actually happened out there on the expressway. It won't change anything, or bring her back.

Four years later we were surprised to learn I was pregnant again. I felt like God was just giving me another to replace Polly, not that it really could really replace her.

Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 3

Betty tells me this next part of her story separate from her written notes.

During these first years years of marriage, Edsel went out on his days off for a drink with his friends. They never had alcohol in the house and so he would go and sit at a bar and talk it up with his friends. This occurred about once every week or two.

He would be drunk by the time he came home and she remembers him being quite obnoxious. He would frequently pick verbal fights with her to get her to argue, however, she soon learned not to argue or make a fuss while he was drunk. She always made him a sandwich, however, when he got home and showed her love for him beyond his behavior to her.

She knew her kids were upset and one older son was ready to take action and protect her if it ever became violent. But, it never did.

Betty never considered him an alcoholic at the time since he didn't drink every day. She has expressed to me over the years, especially when I was struggling with my own situation, that while she could have chosen to leave him, she didn't have anywhere to go with the kids and hadn't had a job in years.

He continued to drink throughout their marriage until he trusted Christ as his savior.

Betty continues with her story.

"I had asked Jesus to live in my heart many times when I would go to confession and communion. But at the Christian church, I learned to trust him as my very own personal savior and I could be assured of eternal life with Him. I learned so much from the Bible - verses like John 3:16, 'For God so loved the world that he gave His only Son, that whosoever believes in Him, will not perish but have everlasting life.'

"The Spirit was working in my husband's life too. Pastor Murphy was our pastor then and he kept encouraging me to pray - but not to nag him. What a glorious night when Edsel cam down from the balcony and went to the front of the church to meet pastor and ask Jesus to be His Savior and Lord of his life. He repented and truly turned his life around. He even lost his desire for beer.

"I was so happy - I said I didn't want to ever have to put up with a drunk husband again. On New Year's Eve of 1962 we were baptised.

"We went together to the Homebuilder's Sunday School class. Ed loved to go to the local homeless men's mission with the men. He enjoyed his new-found faith in Christ and our marriage was stronger and happier."

Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 2

"Edsel and I talked to the priest about the time of September that year. He took some instructions about the Catholic religion and promised to raise our children in the Church. His parents were very much against him marrying a Catholic girl. They lived in a little town in South East Missouri.

"Edsel's dad worked for cotton farmers and Edsel had picked cotton most of his life. He said he was never able to be in school teh first day in September or the last day of school in May because he had to be in the field working. He went into the army at 18 and spent his 3 years and then was home for some time. he had some money and wanted his Dad to buy a farm but his Dad said 'no'. He never wanted to be in debt. He'd never had a car either.

"Edsel's sister had married and was living in Weston so he came up here to be by her. He got a job and lived in a rooming house - ate all his meals in a corner restaurant - but was sure happy when on my days off, I invited him to have dinner with us. I saw or talked to him every day.

"We were married in 1950 in the parsonage by the priest. At that time mixed marriages didn't take place in the Church. My first baby girl arrived in 9 months and 2 days later. The next one in 21 months and then 2 years later a boy, then in another 3 years, a girl and then in 4 more years, another boy. Five in all at that time.

"Polly, my oldest was going to Catholic school and made her first communion. She liked to go to Mass with me depending on what shift Ed was working and able to be with the other children. To only be gone away from the family as little as possible, I tried to go real early and leave the rest at home. Taking five little ones to Mass wasn't my idea of of worshipping. I personally struggled with being at Church without my family.

"I remember vividly one Sunday coming home from my Church alone, and just crying out to God. 'I know this isn't pleasing to you to not have all the children in Church. I just need your help, God. you know the desire of my heart. I want my family to be in Church together'.

"In the spring of 1962, my sister and her husband had encouraged Edsel to visit the Christian Fellowship Church, a Protestant church where they thought Edsel would be comfortable at. He asked about taking our kids because they wanted to go to Sunday School and found they would be welcomed. So they went with their Daddy.

"In those days, on the third Sunday of attendance at the Christian church, you would receive a Bible. The children were very excited about going that next Sunday. But, Ed had to work days that Sunday and they wouldn't be able to go. So I took them and dropped them off and said I'd go to Mass and be back at 10:30 to pick them up.

"As I pulled out of the parking lot, I was convicted that this was where I should be - with my children. It was the first time in my life to be in a Protestant church. People were so friendly and made me feel like I belonged. The next Sunday, we all went to Sunday School and even stayed for worship services. God had answered my prayer that we would be in Church as a family.

Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean Part 1

"Stacey asked me to talk about patience - our theme for today; so I'll try your patience - please endure what I have to say.

"I grew up in Coffeyfille, Ks. My parents were Roman Catholic and so was I. I attended eight years in Catholic school, then to public school. My Dad worked at Sinclair Refinery since before I was born. I had one sister, two years younger than me, and we had a happy childhood.

"When I was 13 my Mother began having some (at that time) strange symptons. After seeing many doctors and clinics, finally Mayo clinic in Minnesota told us it was Parkinson's Disease. She was in her 30's, which is rather unusual to have Parkinsons at this age.

"In just a few years, the tremors were so bad it was difficult for her to feed herself. Maybe it wasn't the best thing for us to do, but we usually fed her. Daddy was so patient with her. I remember when I was in high school, he would be working four to midnight (he always worked shift work). He would pick me up from school at noon, have a good lunch fixed for us, then I would help Mother in the evening. I had time for my friends and even boyfriends and social life and lots of fun times.

"I graduated from high school in 1947. Started to work as a telephone operator and started Junior College there in C'ville. In 1948, the Sinclair Refinery in Coffeyville closed and the employees were given the opportunity to transfer to another plant. East Town was the one Daddy chose. He came up here with four others and we stayed behind until he could find a home for us. Then Daddy called for us to come. It was up to me to drive, about 700 miles, with a seven or eight year old Pontiac up here. There was a time during the drive where several motorcyles crowded around the car for several miles, driving past, and cutting us off. I was frightened for Mother who was strapped into the front seat and my sister in back. We had all our possesions in the car with us. It was a stressful trip and I remember breaking down in tears when we drove up to the rooming house where Daddy was. Of course it took two days.

"I took care of our home and Mother. My sister had to finish high school. In April I asked Daddy if I could transfer my time to the East Town telephone office. This meant that he would have to assume more care for Mother. So I started to work.

"For many years my favorite past time was roller skating and my sister and I enjoyed that when Daddy would be home for the evening. One you man, Bob, took a fancy to my sister for a few dates and even fixed me up with a fellow employee of the Wonder-Bread bakery. One date was even on a cruise boat in the nearby city.

"In July, the Wonder-Bread company had their annual picnic and I was invited. My original date had to tend bar for a copule of hours, so Bob picked us up. Shortly after arriving, I was introduced to Edsel. He was tall, good looking, sweet and we spent the afternoon together. Somehow the other fellow got the message that I would rather be with Edsel.

"Edsel and I saw or talked to each other every day. After a few days, he called and said perhaps we shouldn't see each other because he would never be a Catholic. To which I replied, 'I would never leave my Church for any man'. But, the next day he called again and told me he cared a lot about me and he would never ask me to give up my faith. But that he would do what was necessary for us to be together.

Session 2 - Personal Story, Betty Jean

The year 1930 was the all-time peak of popularity for parents to name their daughters Betty, the name representing 3.3% of all babies born that year. The 1931 census report shows there were about 2 million babies born in 1931 of which 80,616 were stillbirths and another 130,134 dying before turning one year old. Of the female infants surviving, nearly 7% of the girls were named Betty. Today, fewer than .02% of parents use this lovely old fashioned name. Meaning "oath"and derived from a Spanish word, the name certainly was appropriate for our Betty Jean.

Our Betty Jean was born in 1929 in Coffeyville, Kansas, just 18 days after Black Tuesday, that infamous day the stock market crashed on Wall Street. She didn't choose to make her entrance into a world already positioned for hardship and long-suffering, but it was certainly part of God's plan for her.

I met Betty when my daughter was three. She was the Sunday School teacher at church for the pre-kindergarden kids. There was never a more talented woman at the flannel graph story board. In those days, a good story teller would have children rapt with attention as Jesus flew into the clouds on his ascent from the grave, or as Naman dipped seven times into the dirty river water to be cleansed of leprosy. She was worth every cent we could have paid her. But of course Sunday School teachers weren't (and still aren't) paid with anything more than sticky-finger hugs and parents' smiles upon seeing a star given for quoting the four-word memory verse.

Betty became my prayer partner as my marriage was crumbling from the stress of living with an alcoholic. We stood several times in the parking lot and chatted through tears after the church services were finished. She encouraged me to continue to be an obedient Christian, to not sin through this awful time, and she told me of her own struggle dealing with the affects alcoholism in her marriage.

The story that follows is hers. She shared it with us at the Good Things Women's Ministry day and read from seven pages of handwritten notes. She clearly labored over what she'd written since a number of sections were either crossed out or underlined, tiny inserts were written in between the lines, and whole sentences squeezed in the margins.

I thought perhaps I would just recap her life's testimony about patience and long-suffering in this blog. But feel that her story, as written, is more complete and reflects her style and the era in which she grew up. I'll type it as she wrote it, only editing a few things in order to maintain her privacy or to give clarity on events. I'll also break it into sections, giving you the reader, the same space for reflection and the same pause for time should you need to grab a tissue or two as we who were listening did in the room.

I transcribe this story with her permission.

Session 1 - Personal Story, Hot Discussions

Continuing on with the day's theme of managing our mouths, Marjorie talked a bit about her experience with handling difficult conversations.

Her best advice was to walk away. Even in her family of 6 adult children, she reports that there are few arguments. However, there are some individuals in her family who like to debate and have interactive argumentative conversations. Marjorie said that what these situations come up, she is uncomfortable with them because she is not the type of person who likes to debate. She understands that others are not like that and at first, she felt this was a sign of contention in the family. However, she described how she has learned to understand that this is the nature of these personalities and that they enjoy this type of interaction. So, when the conversation gets too heated, she just walks out of the room.

Not a bad idea, Marjorie. If you are uncomfortable with the topic, and it doesn't focus on something you are involved in or a topic you are responsible to, let yourself out of the conversation. Give yourself permission.

This raises a good example, however, of how to let others be who they are. Marjorie could have chosen to let herself get angry and perhaps retaliate in some way. Or, had she confronted the individuals on their behavior as if it were "wrong", they may not have understood her intentions. It's so easy to take certain people off our friendship list because they have a different personality style than ours.

It's OK to be different. It's not OK to let that difference cause a sinful response in yourself.